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Re: Joke of the Day
There's a new guy at work starting called Wayne Bruce and I said "ah, my old nemesis ManBat" and nobody got it honestly I'm wasted here.A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
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Re: Joke of the Day
Could this be bsm2's main squeeze?
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Re: Joke of the Day
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Re: Joke of the Day
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror,
she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. 'Oh my God - Hurry!
Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'
'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'
'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied.
'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the
window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly
discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon,
so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in
as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had
been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
'Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.
'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'
Another runner moved along side. 'Do you always run carrying your
clothes with you under your arm?'
'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get
dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked,
'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'
'Nope..............just when it's raining.'A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
DATING IN THE 60s. Remember those days ?
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1963, and James had a date with Annabella. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
'Oh, come on in!' Annabella's mother said as she welcomed James.
'Have a seat in the sitting room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Tea?' 'Tea, please,' James said. Mum brought the tea.
'So, what are you and Annabella planning to do tonight?' she asked.
'Oh, probably go to the flicks and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the coffee bar, perhaps have a walk on the beach afterwards.'
'Annabella likes to screw, you know,' Mum informed him.
'Really?' James gasped, surprised to say the least.
'Oh yes,' mother continued, 'When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!' 'Is that so?' asked James, incredulously.' Oh yes,' she said.
'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!' 'Phew! Well, thanks for the tip!' James said as he began thinking about alternative plans for the evening.
A moment later, Annabella came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted James.'Have fun, kids!' mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Annabella burst into the house
and slammed the front door behind her.
'The Twist, Mum!' she yelled angrily to her mother in the kitchen.
'The bloody dance is called the ......Twist!'
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A wedding occurred just outside Dublin in Ireland.
To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the **** out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.
The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!'
The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says,'Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.'
The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride.
The judge says, 'OK.'
'Well,' said Paddy, 'after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs.'
Shocked, the judge instantly responded, 'God, that must have hurt!'
'Hurt?' Paddy replies. 'He broke three of my fingers!A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers andGrandfathers? Well, here it is:
There was
this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality
time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy-- just him and his granddaughter.
One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter
always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed.
Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and
breakfast. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed.
"Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.
"Not really, Pa Pa , it was boring. We didn't see a single asshole, queer, piece of shit, horse's ass, tree hugger, socialist left wing prick, blind bastard, dipshit, or son of a bitch anywhere we went!
We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn't have any fun."
Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
BREAKING NEWS!
Oscar Telecast beaten in Ratings by Calexico TV test Pattern!Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. " Oh , I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25
cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and
then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"Live for yourself and you will live in vain. Live for others, and you will live againComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words.
She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable.
"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?" After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday.
"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day. Does anyone know another word?"
Johnny from the back of the room yells, "I do! I do!" Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.
"OK Mike, what is your word."
Saturday says Mike. "Great, that has three syllables..." Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says
"I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says,
"O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?" Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."
Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says,
"Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."
"No Ma'am, your thinking of 'BJ', and that's only two syllables."
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A family was driving behind a garbage truck when all of a sudden a large dildo flies out and hits the windscreen.
To hide her embarrassment, the mother turns and says to her young kids "My that was a big insect!"
The two kids sat there for a moment before her 7-year-old son replied "Man, I'm surprised it could fly with wiener that big!"
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
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