What's the most whack customer description???

[FMC]

I've juat been to a machine were the customer has LOST the fuser cover and broke both trays and pulled of the metal chain that holds the RHS door and they still tried to blame the last guy, who happened to be me 6 months ago.

So I billed them HAHA!!!!!!

[BrickPilot]

While your here can you make it go any faster?

Hmmmm
9.8m/sec squared isn't it? Does that window of yours over there open by any chance? If so, I think I can make it go faster




PS: My favourite fault code, I thought I'd mention....
ESTO
Equipment Superior To Operator

[blackcat4866]

That's so much better than: ID 10T
=^..^=

[ToshibaTech]

ESTO... awesome I'm going to use that tomorrow, I can just feel it. Also: PEBKAC Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair

[gwaddle]

Bypass jammed

My favorite. Customer called about jamming in bypass. On arrival found that the customer had been using the copier as a lunch counter and part of a sandwich was stuck in the bypass.

[mrwho]

The best one I got was still when I was working at assembling PCs. One order came in into the tech room, and it was something like:

- Graphics Card x
- Sound Card x
- Motherboard brand x
- CPU x 500Mhz
- 256Mb RAM
- 10Gb HDD

Put pieces together, make PC

A colleague of mine picks up the paper, looks at it for a couple of minutes with an inquisitive look then turns at us and says "How about we wrap it up into a duct-tape ball and hand it over to the customer?"

[Shadow1]

Customer: "Sounds like the estrus cries of a Procyon Lotor."

Me, scratching my head, but not really wanting to continue the discussion: "I'll be right out"

I googled.

Translation: a horny raccoon.

[Koosie]

I hate it when the customer calls : "It's been broken for two weeks!!"

"When did you place a call to come and fix it?"

Customer : "I'm calling now!"

The machine won't fix itself, idiot, you have to call us, otherwise it will stay broken!!

OR

"What seems to be the problem sir?"
"The copier is not working."
"What seems to be the problem sir?"
"The paper is not going through"
"So it's jamming the paper?"
"No, it will not even make 'n copy at all"
and on and on and on and on.

[mascan42]

"What seems to be the problem with the copier?"
"How should I know, you're the technician!"

"It jams when I use the document feeder."
"Your originals jam?"
"No, the copies jam, but only when I use the document feeder."

"The car never makes the noise when you take it to the mechanic."
"You always feel better once you get to the doctor's office."
Or some other cliched analogy for why I can't find the problem they called about.

"Why didn't you call to let us know you were coming?"
"The phone number you gave us was for the fax machine."
"Of course, it's the fax machine that's broken!"

"What exactly was happening?"
"I don't know, I didn't see it myself."
"Who did?"
"Susie's the only one who saw it. But she left right after I placed the service call."
"Should I come back tomorrow and speak to her?"
"She's gone on two weeks vacation."

[Stirton.M]

Most common:

It says replace image unit (x)
I arrive and find it needs toner (x)

or the complete opposite

I put toner in, but it keeps asking for toner.
I arrive and it needs the image unit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Image is ghosting.
I arrive and they are trying to print to thick stock on plain setting.
OR
C250s have an envelope mode for the fuser and the levers are set.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you mean that part is worn out, we just got this machine.
Customer really had machine for many years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How long will the machine last?
(fighting the urge to say it will last forever if they do not use it)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cannot print.
No network connection ANYWHERE near machine, they moved it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3 times for SAME complaint
The call: Cannot fax
Tech arrives: Cannot fax because they are using a shared line with reception's phone. Promised to charge them next time. Never did hear back on that problem.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It prints in colour?
After having the machine for a couple years (counter had almost zero colour counts)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you mean I need (x) to do that? The salesrep never said we needed that! I refuse to pay extra for that. Salesrep screwed up, I should get that for free.
Conversation with sales rep, I learn that customer too cheap to get needed extra, thinking we techs do not talk to sales and trying to get sympathy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paper constantly jamming
Operator loads paper in landscape when it should be portrait in LCT, pictures ALL over showing this.
or
Paper loaded correctly, but customer forced custom size setting on control panel, overriding autosize or orientation.

[Titan1969]

Poor copy quality...

Customer calls for poor copy quality. I arrive to find they are running paper stock way outta spec. Lets say #140 on a #90 max machine. Toners not fusing to the paper. I let the customer know ( after I find the page in the op manual stating the max paper weight )

"The paper your running is too heavy for the machine"

Customer replies..."It doesnt say I cant run this paper! The salesman said it would!"

I call sales and explain the issue. Salesman reply "You didnt tell the customer it wouldnt run it did you?"
My reply "Yes I did its too think/heavy"
Salesman reply "The book doesnt say it wont run that stock"
My reply"It doesnt say it wont run sheet metal either but it wont!"

[Andyrsv]

sharp AR451 with no Dev

I was called in for blank copies only to find the customer had emptied the developer out because he thought the "the roller was dirty"

[fixthecopier]

No matter what we make a copy of, there is this same image of a form on every page.
I opened the paper tray and removed the forms.

[hachetman]

my best one yet I can't recive a fax but I can sendrecive !!! is the fax number right? Oh yes, can I have the number, you call the number and the cust answers the phone thank you for calling_____ you replay with, I have a fax for you while your looking them in the eye, Now were having big fun

[mascan42]

my best one yet I can't recive a fax but I can sendrecive !!! is the fax number right? Oh yes, can I have the number, you call the number and the cust answers the phone thank you for calling_____ you replay with, I have a fax for you while your looking them in the eye, Now were having big fun

I had one that they could receive but not send. They had a dial tone, but it always disconnected after dialing. I plugged a phone into the line and got the same thing. I told her the problem was on the phone line, but she didn't believe me. She called the phone company while I was standing there. You should have seen the look on her face when the phone company told her the line had been disconnected for not paying the bill.