DO NOT under any circumstances attempt to vacuum up a fart!
Here's the scenario: Chinese for lunch, and I am beginning to understand sublimation - the physical process by which a solid transforms directly into a gas.
I'm vacuuming out an MP3500 that was in its normal state of existence - absolutely filthy - and I feel this one rumbling around in my gut and headed for the exit like a freight train.
As usual, I'm sitting on my vacuum while working, so I figure the sound will get drowned out, and if I tip the hose in the right direction the rest will get sucked up and never heard from again. Hey, why not - it works for toner, right? WRONG!
First of all, if you ever try to fart while sitting on top of a 3M vacuum things get kinda squished together and rearranged, so you end up ripping the world's loudest squeaker. Think of an air horn attached to a jet engine - easily heard over the loudest vac. Of course this is enough to frighten anyone and when I jumped the tone changed, so not only does everyone within a 50 mile radius know I farted, but they think I'm playing with it. If I could have died right then, I would have... gladly... and played "Taps" for myself on the a$$ trumpet. My only consolation was there were very few people in the area.
Worse than the noise were the vapors. Pray a hostile army never gets hold of anything like this - our surrender would be immediate. I don't know why on earth I ever thought something like that would get trapped in the filter except that it was mean enough to have teeth.
A normal fart will spread out slightly, rise to the roof, and get sucked into the A/C returns to go visit someone else - A Vacuum cleaner, on the other hand, makes a very efficient air blender. Blasting that beast through my vac pissed it off, whipped it into a froth, and sprayed a heavy coat of funk all over the room.
The other people in the area cracked a few jokes, but didn't make too big of a deal about it. After that performance somebody has to say something about "the elephant in the room" ;-)
I finished the call as fast as I could before any other disasters could happen and though I could put the whole incident - er - behind me... until my next call when I discovered part of the beast did get trapped in the filter after all.
After I finally got over the humiliation and told the story I got zinged again:
"You know, you got lucky."
"How so??"
"Farts are flammable, and the motor could be an ignition source"
"I think I would have been luckier if it blew me up," But then I started getting mental pictures of my vacuum blasting off and flying around the room like a fart powered 747
Here's the scenario: Chinese for lunch, and I am beginning to understand sublimation - the physical process by which a solid transforms directly into a gas.
I'm vacuuming out an MP3500 that was in its normal state of existence - absolutely filthy - and I feel this one rumbling around in my gut and headed for the exit like a freight train.
As usual, I'm sitting on my vacuum while working, so I figure the sound will get drowned out, and if I tip the hose in the right direction the rest will get sucked up and never heard from again. Hey, why not - it works for toner, right? WRONG!
First of all, if you ever try to fart while sitting on top of a 3M vacuum things get kinda squished together and rearranged, so you end up ripping the world's loudest squeaker. Think of an air horn attached to a jet engine - easily heard over the loudest vac. Of course this is enough to frighten anyone and when I jumped the tone changed, so not only does everyone within a 50 mile radius know I farted, but they think I'm playing with it. If I could have died right then, I would have... gladly... and played "Taps" for myself on the a$$ trumpet. My only consolation was there were very few people in the area.
Worse than the noise were the vapors. Pray a hostile army never gets hold of anything like this - our surrender would be immediate. I don't know why on earth I ever thought something like that would get trapped in the filter except that it was mean enough to have teeth.
A normal fart will spread out slightly, rise to the roof, and get sucked into the A/C returns to go visit someone else - A Vacuum cleaner, on the other hand, makes a very efficient air blender. Blasting that beast through my vac pissed it off, whipped it into a froth, and sprayed a heavy coat of funk all over the room.
The other people in the area cracked a few jokes, but didn't make too big of a deal about it. After that performance somebody has to say something about "the elephant in the room" ;-)
I finished the call as fast as I could before any other disasters could happen and though I could put the whole incident - er - behind me... until my next call when I discovered part of the beast did get trapped in the filter after all.
After I finally got over the humiliation and told the story I got zinged again:
"You know, you got lucky."
"How so??"
"Farts are flammable, and the motor could be an ignition source"
"I think I would have been luckier if it blew me up," But then I started getting mental pictures of my vacuum blasting off and flying around the room like a fart powered 747
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