Joke of the Day

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Two cops are standing by the street side in New York City. A foreigner approaches them looking slightly panicked.
"Parlez vous Francais?" He asks them. The cops, not knowing a word of French merely shrug their shoulders at the man.
Frustrated, he asks them, "Hablan Espanol?" Again, the cops merely shrug.
The foreigner continues with the same result with Dutch, Russian, and German. Eventually, he leaves, knowing that there's no hope for him to communicate with the officers.
"I keep telling you we should learn more languages!" says one cop to the other.
"Why?" he responds. "That man knows five, and it didn't get him anywhere."

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" usually mean the same thing...
Except at a funeral.

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" usually mean the same thing...
Except at a funeral.

I like to stay true to myself with the joke threads. When I chuckle out loud I hit the like button. I don't know why the above joke tickled me, maybe it's because Friday is not far away. Xmas is next on the list, and like me ,santa comes once a year.... Oh golly oh gosh I'm getting exited I can't wait.....

[nmfaxman]

Re: Joke of the Day

True story:

Years ago, a guy I used to work with was fired and was living in his car and asked if he could stay with me until he scraped enough money to get to Phoenix and stay with his Mom.
I had a sofa that I really didn't use and let him sleep there.
Next day after work, I come home and the living room was clean. Went into the bathroom and it was clean.
Went into the kitchen where he was cooking dinner and I commented that it was like I was married again.
He looked me dead in the eye and said, "Don't expect a BJ".

I replied, now I really feel like I am married again.

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" usually mean the same thing...
Except at a funeral.

I like to stay true to myself with the joke threads. When I chuckle out loud I hit the like button. I don't know why the above joke tickled me, maybe it's because Friday is not far away. Xmas is next on the list, and like me ,santa comes once a year.... Oh golly oh gosh I'm getting exited I can't wait.....

Yes but Akitu's post sounds more like a Random Thought than a Joke of the Day.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

This belongs here....

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered so the teacher picked on a random student
Little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her,
"Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class,
"Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued.
"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Baltimore Ravens. The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM! He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY! Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE! I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect Arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Ravens go on to win the Super Bowl. The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his Mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!" "I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says." You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Baltimore!!!!

[Copier Addict]

Re: Joke of the Day

"greatest sporting event in the world"

Really??????????? Sounds like a pretty small world. LOL

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

A man with a very small head walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why is your head so small?" He replies, "I was stuck on this island and there was nothing but beautiful women there who had never seen a man before. So I had sex with all of them. Their leader, who was the most beautiful of all, had the power to grant anybody one wish, so I asked her to have sex with me. She said she would grant me anything but that, so I said, "Would a little head be out of the question?"

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

baby on board.jpg

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Never marry a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up.
Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

A British man is visiting Australia. The man at customs ask, "Do you have a criminal record?" The British man replies, "I didn't think you needed one to get into Australia any more."

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

A guy and his dog went into a bar and made a bet with the bartender. The guy said his dog could talk and he bet the bartender 1 free drink for him if the dog could answer a question. The bartender says okay because there's know way a dog could talk. The guy asks the dog, "What grows on trees?" "Bark" says the dog. The bartender refuses to give him a drink and makes him ask another question. "What's on top of a house?" asks the man. "Roof" says the dog. Once again, the bartender refuses and makes him ask another question. "What's the best baseball player of all time?" "Ruth" The bartender makes them leave. On the way home the dog asks, "Do you think I should have said Mickey Mantle?"