Joke of the Day

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

A student visits the principal's office. The principal asks: "What is your name, son?" The student replies: "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." Then the principal asks: "Oh, do you have a stutter?" Student answers: "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was an asshole."

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

Jared Fogle of Subway started and ended his career the same way, trying to get into smaller pants.

[Tricky]

Re: Joke of the Day

Whats worse than finding a hole in your condom?

Finding a condom in your hole!

[Tricky]

Re: Joke of the Day

I was in a pub quiz last night and one of the questions was: What have Nicole Kidman, Kylie Minogue and Julia Roberts got in common?

Apparently, women who I've masturbated to was not the answer.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

An ugly man walks into a bar and instantly gets approached by a beautiful woman...... the woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?" and the man is stunned. He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him so he agrees. They both get into his car and drive really far. He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city. Within seconds they start taking off their clothes. After 15 minutes of vigorous sex they finally finish. They both put their clothes on and they both just sit there awkwardly. The woman speaks up and says "I'm a prostitute and its going to be 100 dollars for my service." The man is stunned and saddened that she didn't really like him. He gives her the money and they both sit there awkwardly. The woman tells him that she is ready to leave and the man replies "I'm a taxi driver and its going to be 150 dollars for the ride here and back."

[ZOOTECH]

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

I was in a pub quiz last night and one of the questions was: What have Nicole Kidman, KylieI Minogue and Julia Roberts got in common?

Apparently, women who I've masturbated to was not the answer.

....to.... or ....over....? To with all 3 would be impressive.

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
One, they are very efficient and have no humour.

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish and Italian grandmother.
They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!
They named him Ravi O. Lee.

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish and Italian grandmother.
They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!
They named him Ravi O. Lee.

He was baptised by Pastor Penne Napoletana.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

A solider receives a Dear John letter from his girlfriend...


It read as follows:

---

Michael,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I'm really sorry.
Love, Elizabeth
P.S. Please return the picture you have of me

---

The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters, girlfriends, cousins, ex-girlfriends, or aunts they had. After a while he had obtained a sizeable collection, and so he stuffed them all 62 of them into an envelope, including the picture of Elizabeth, along with this letter:

---

Elizabeth,
I can't quite remember what you look like. Please take your picture from the pile and return the rest.
Take care, Michael

[Roverius]

Re: Joke of the Day

2 blonds are walking in the woods while suddenly one of them finds a mirror.
The blond looks into the mirror and says "weird, it just looks like i know this girl".
while the other blond says "give the mirror to me, i will look".
She takes the mirror and says "no wonder you know that girl, it's me !!!"

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day