Re: Joke of the Day
What do you call a dog with no back legs and balls of steel?
Sparky!
What do you call a dog with no back legs and balls of steel?
Sparky!
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' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
Mascan42
'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'
Ibid
I'm just an ex-tech lurking around and spreading disinformation! -
There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don'tComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
I'm sure there are plenty of people on here who will appreciate this one
pirate.jpgThere are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don'tComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
For this young lady, I'm supportive of a gun ban...reminds me of a bumper sticker I once saw..."No matter how good looking she is, somewhere, someone is tired of her shit..." EMujoLast edited by emujo; 04-22-2013, 08:54 PM. Reason: don't want to be chewed out by the grammer nazi...If you don't see your question answered in the forum, please don't think it's OK to PM me for a personal reply...I do not give out firmware and/or manuals.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
reminds me of this 2nd lieutenant we had come into the med station from the 9mm range....bloody nose and black eye having the pistol all the way up to his face....."In a cruel and evil world, being cynical can allow you to get some entertainment out of it."
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Re: Joke of the Day
There was a man who had had a headache for twenty years and was at the point where he wanted to end his own life, but he decided to go to a specialist first.
No doctor could solve his problem, until finally one of them said "You have a very rare problem, your testicles are pressed up against your spine causing your headache.
The only way to remedy it is to remove your testicles."
The man hesitantly agrees and gets them removed.
On his way home he walks past a taylor shop with a sign saying "ALL SUITS HALF PRICE"
Being in need of a new suit he walks in where a man greets him and says "Hello Sir I see you want a suit, I would say that you are a 34 sleeve and a 24 pant."
"Wow! How did you know that?" said the man.
"Why Sir I've been in this business for 40 years. Would you like shoes to go with that?"
"Sure" says the man. "Okay I'd say that you're a size 10 wide."
"Ok, now you're freaking me out...That's a great talent" says the man.
"Thanks" replied the shopkeeper, "Now how about some undergarments?"
"Ok see if you can guess my size", said the man.
"Easy 36" said the shopkeeper.
"Nope 34" replied the man.
To which the shopkeeper exclaimed "Impossible a size 34 would squish your testicles against your spine and you'd get a headache"."You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --
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Re: Joke of the Day
Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival.
She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying "Ho -ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know."
Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to her underwear. "OH Santa, won't you please stay?" she queried .
Taking a long look, Santa sighed and said "Ho- ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know."
Not to be denied, this gorgeous female stripped off every stitch of remaining clothing, smiled and said invitingly "Oh, Santa, please reconsider? Stay with me?"
With a pained look on his face, Santa groaned and said "Ho - ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know."
And with that, he turned and left.
Several minutes passed, and Santa re-appeared, plopping himself down on the couch next to the beautiful woman.
"Santa---you decided to stay??" she asked.
Santa grinned, looking at his crotch and said "Hey - hey, gotta stay. Can't get up the chimney THIS way!""You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A man on a long trip by car picks up a hitchhiker so the company will keep him awake. When the man gets in the car, he looks at the driver, nods then rolls down the window,spits out of the window and mumbles "truck driving son of a bitch". They drive for over and hour and the hitcher never speaks to the driver, just spits out of the window and mumbles "truck driving son of a bitch" every 7 or 8 minutes. Finally the driver can no longer take it and demands an explanation. Reluctantly the hitcher starts to tell his story...
"Well I have been hitching across country. When i got to the mountains, a long haul trucker picked me up.Everything was going fine, we were 6,000 feet up when all of a sudden I look up the road and saw another big truck coming toward us and another truck pulling out from behind him , trying to pass. Both lanes are blocked, it is a solid wall of rock on one side of us, and a 6,000 foot drop on the other side. That's when I looked at the driver and said, Mister,if you drive us out of this mess, I will suck your dick"...The hitcher then spits out the window and says "TRUCK DRIVING SON OF A BITCH!"The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
Mascan42
'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'
Ibid
I'm just an ex-tech lurking around and spreading disinformation!Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Another literary masterpiece I found.
The surprise party surprise... | FB TroublemakersFB TroublemakersI know I should be ashamed of myself. Strangely though, I am not.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
There was a new driver for the bus on Sesame Street. His first day on the job, he awoke bright and early, went to the garage, got the bus, and set off on his route.
At the first stop there was a chubby little girl waiting for the bus. She climbed the step and got on, and said,
"Hi. My name is Patty."
The driver replied,
"Hi, Patty. Please take a seat."
At the second stop there was a second little girl, even chubbier than the first. She got on and said,
"Good morning! My name's Patty."
The driver answered,
"Good morning. Please sit down."
At the third stop there was a little boy waiting. He was dressed in a white shirt and tie, and a suit with a vest, and he had a calculator holster on his belt. He said,
"Hi. My name is Ross, and I'm special!"
The driver wasn't impressed, but he managed a smile and said,
"Please sit down, Ross."
The fourth stop rewarded the driver with a grubby little boy with dirty jeans and torn sneakers. He got on the bus and said,
"My name is Lester Cheese."
The driver replied,
"Please take a seat, Lester."
Well, he's driving along and he looks in his rear-view mirror and sees that Lester Cheese has taken off his sneakers and is scratching at his foot. The driver pulls the bus over to the side of the rode, stops it, and says,
"I can't take this any longer! I've got
two obese Patties,
special Ross,
Lester Cheese picking bunions
on a Sesame Street bus!The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
there was a russian man named rudolph, a high ranking member of the KGB. one evening rudolph and his wife, helga, were walking along, and it begins to snow. "my, my, look at the lovely snow," said helga.
"no, that is not snow, that is rain!" replied rudolph.
"no, no, no, this is snow," she said.
"look, there is a palace guard, we will ask him."
rudolph went to the palace gaurd and said "is it raining or snowing?"
the gaurd was no dummy, so he said "what do YOU think it is doing, rudolph?"
rudolph replied, "raining."
and the gaurd said "yes comrade, I was going to say raining, also!"
so rudolph and helga went walking off. the gaurd could just barely hear
the KGB official say:
"RUDOLPH, THE RED, KNOWS RAIN, DEAR"The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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