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Re: Joke of the Day
A Blonde Confused The Mechanic
A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other, and another customer asked,
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up. The mechanic fainted. oil.jpg
Live for yourself and you will live in vain. Live for others, and you will live againComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
It's not my job to run the train
The whistle I can't blow
It's not my job to say how far the train's allowed to go
It's not my job to blow off steam or even ring the bell
But let the dang thing jump the track
And see who catches hell!Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
PRICELESS! - The Wisdom of children.
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds',
and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
"Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists
found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the
conclusion that **their** ancestors already had a telephone network
more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the Brit's, in the weeks that followed, an
American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a
story published in the New York Times:
"American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire,
have concluded that **their** ancestors already had an advanced
high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British".
One week later, Canadian Dept. Of Mines and Resources in Newfoundland
reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in NE Canada
, Jack Lucknow, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found
absolutely f--k all. Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago,
Canada had already gone wireless."
Just makes a guy bloody proud to be Canadian eh!Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A cowboy who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona; the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains. "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. ......Hasn't affected my brothers though."
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Re: Joke of the Day
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Re: Joke of the Day
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Re: Joke of the Day
His name was Bubba, he was from Mississippi . . .
And he needed a loan, so, he walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000; and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.
The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the redneck from the South for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a Distinguished Alumni from Ole Miss University, a highly sophisticated investor and multi-millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater, Texas.
What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?
The good ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"
His name was BUBBA....
Keep an eye on those southern boys! Just because they talk funny does not mean they are stupid.
Last edited by izzynut; 07-17-2018, 01:20 AM.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Cats like to read also.
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Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
•••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ¡ | x | •[§]••• ••••••Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Nope. I thought it was just me. =^..^=If you'd like a serious answer to your request:
1) demonstrate that you've read the manual
2) demonstrate that you made some attempt to fix it.
3) if you're going to ask about jams include the jam code.
4) if you're going to ask about an error code include the error code.
5) You are the person onsite. Only you can make observations.
blackcat: Master Of The Obvious =^..^=Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
I don't see it either (IOS), all I see is a question mark in a blue square-font unknown?"You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --
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