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Re: Joke of the Day
What did the fish say when it ran into a concrete wall ? ..............
DAM"The Serenity Prayer" . . .
God grant me the serenity to accept stupid people , the courage to not waste my time and energy on them , and the wisdom to know that I cannot fix STUPID .Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
For a couple years I 've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals,
leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.
"You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --
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Re: Joke of the Day
I guess it's not a joke in the strictest sense, but it made me laugh - Excellent marketing and product placement. Well played Hershey's... Well played!
HersheyMarketing.jpg73 DE W5SSJComment
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' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
Mascan42
'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'
Ibid
I'm just an ex-tech lurking around and spreading disinformation!Comment
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' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
Mascan42
'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'
Ibid
I'm just an ex-tech lurking around and spreading disinformation!Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
OK, as we get older we have to be aware of issues like this.
Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.
I immediately call the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered. I always call her “honey” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane’s voice. “Ken” she barked, “I dropped you off!” Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.” Diane retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car?”$hit Happens - Deal with it and move on.....................................sigpic....................................Lock & LoadComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Man walks into a bookstore and asks the shopkeeper if they have the new self-help book for men with small cocks. She says, "I don't think it's in yet." He replies, "Yeah that's the one".Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A 5 year old girl wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into her parents' room. she sees mummy riding daddy.
She shrieks: "Mummy, what are you doing?", the mother replies "Well, daddy's got a big tummy so I get on top to help flatten it down."
The girl replies: " You're wasting your time, mummy, cos when you're out shopping, the lady next door gets on her knees and blows it back up".Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Well, the other day, Mary my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man,how about giving a senior citizen a break?'He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.I called him an “asshole” . He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.
So Mary called him a “shit head”. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.Then he started writing more tickets.This went on for about 20 minutes.The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.
It's important at our age.$hit Happens - Deal with it and move on.....................................sigpic....................................Lock & LoadComment
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' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
Mascan42
'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'
Ibid
I'm just an ex-tech lurking around and spreading disinformation!Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Three little words that destroy a mans confidence : is , it , in.
Q. What do you name a man with a short appendage ?
A. Justin
Q. How do you define women who has lost her entire bottom.
A. Disaster
Q. What do you call a women you is esthesically challenged ?
A. Edna Likeahorse.
Q. What do you name a Russian Prostitute ?
A. Onya Backabit.
................Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
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