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I know I should be ashamed of myself. Strangely though, I am not. -
Re: Joke of the Day
A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a five-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explain to them how it works. "We have five floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
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So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh, and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
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The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
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They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they kept going.
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On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get excited and are about to go in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head up to the fifth floor.
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There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Waddle wisdom:
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
I know I should be ashamed of myself. Strangely though, I am not.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tale telling begins. The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns, using my bare hands." The second can't stand to be outdone. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."
The third cowboy stayed silent, ...slowly stirring the coals with his penis.Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
Mascan42
'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'
Ibid
I'm just an ex-tech lurking around and spreading disinformation!Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Oh shit. You're right. Apparently I'm being closely monitored here...
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window "I want to open a fucking checking account."
The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, dammit. I said I want to open a fucking checking account now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."
The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.
They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no fucking problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the fucking lottery and I want to open a fucking checking account in this fucking bank."
"I see," says the manager, "and is this fucking bitch giving you a hard time?"Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
I know I should be ashamed of myself. Strangely though, I am not.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
Mascan42
'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'
Ibid
I'm just an ex-tech lurking around and spreading disinformation!Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A teacher's story about Stuttering.... A teacher is explaining Biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.' The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. "Well," she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'' 'That must've been scary,' said the teacher. 'It sure was,' said the little girl.
'My kitty raised her back, went "Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF," but before she could say 'Fuck-off !,' the Rottweiler ate her!
The teacher had to leave the room.I know I should be ashamed of myself. Strangely though, I am not.Comment
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If you don't see your question answered in the forum, please don't think it's OK to PM me for a personal reply...I do not give out firmware and/or manuals.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Alright alright alright. I've been holding off on a few because they're dated political jokes, but after repeating myself twice I feel like my list of available jokes from my online resource is growing too slim to not use them anymore.
Ashley walked into the White House for the first day of her internship and was greeted by the President. After a tour, he asked, "Would you like to see the Presidential Clock?" Ashley got suspicious and said, "I've heard certain things about you, Mr. President, and don't think that would be a smart idea." "Nonsense," said the President. "It's just a clock." Ashley reluctantly agreed.
The President led her to an empty Oval Office, closed the door, dropped his pants and pulled it out. In a reproving tone, Ashley said, "That's not the Presidential Clock, it's the Presidential Cock." The President responded, "Ashley, honey, put a face and two hands on it, and it's a clock."Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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