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I know I should be ashamed of myself. Strangely though, I am not. -
Re: Joke of the Day
Did I scare him off LOLThere are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don'tComment
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If you'd like a serious answer to your request:
1) demonstrate that you've read the manual
2) demonstrate that you made some attempt to fix it.
3) if you're going to ask about jams include the jam code.
4) if you're going to ask about an error code include the error code.
5) You are the person onsite. Only you can make observations.
blackcat: Master Of The Obvious =^..^=Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
man goes to see the doctor .whats wrong asks the doc.
when i pee it comes out of lots of holes and it goes everywhere .
the doctor said let me examine you oh dear he said i havnt seen anything like this before but let me give you this card .
the man said is it a specialist .no said the doc it a clarinetist he will show you how to hold it.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Why Old Men Don't get Hired
Job Interview:
Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"
Old Man : "Honesty."
Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."
Old Man : "I don't really give a shit what you think."Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
little 6 year old boy said to his dad ,dad i am going to mary anne next door .
his dad laughed and said where vare you going to live ,he said we are going to live with you and mum.
ok said dad what are you going to do for money,we will put our pocket money together and live on that .
thats only five dollars a week what about if children come along .little boy said well we have been lucky so far.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for> an entire month."
The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the church.
When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying, and the husband obviously was very depressed. "You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired.
"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly.
The pastor asked him what happened.
"Well, the first week was difficult; however, we managed to abstain through sheer will power.
The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.
The third week, however, was unbearable.
We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible, anything to keep our minds free of carnal thoughts. But one afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I noticed that she didn't have panties on and I was overcome with lust and I had my way with her, right then and there," admitted the man, shamefacedly.
"You understand this means you will not be welcome into our church," stated the pastor.
"We know," said the young man, hanging his head. "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore, either.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Two nuns are travelling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania.
As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a vampire jumps onto the hood of their car and hisses at them. "Quick! Show him your cross!" -- says one nun to the other.
The other nun opens the window and shouts: "Get the fuck off our car!"Why do they call it common sense?
If it were common, wouldn't everyone have it?Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Nymphomaniac Convention
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat... As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston"
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men,
when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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"The Serenity Prayer" . . .
God grant me the serenity to accept stupid people , the courage to not waste my time and energy on them , and the wisdom to know that I cannot fix STUPID .Comment
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"The Serenity Prayer" . . .
God grant me the serenity to accept stupid people , the courage to not waste my time and energy on them , and the wisdom to know that I cannot fix STUPID .Comment
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Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
"Now what are you doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
peace on all
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