Joke of the Day

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

My boss pulled up to work today in his brand new Lincoln, as he got out of the car, I said to him "wow, that's a nice car!" He notices my admiration and says "Well, you know what? If you work hard, and put in the hours, I'll have an even better one next year."

I "liked" that joke

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

An odd couple,english lady and asian,man where invited to a fancy dress party,but they couldnt find any costumes to wear. They both roll up to the party stark naked; the lady with only a lemon between her legs and the guy with a potato hanging off his penis The host of the party was quite surprised. She asked the odd couple who are they suppose to be. The female say's can't you see the lemon between my legs, I'm Maggie Thatcher the sour-puss. The host asked the asian man, well who are you suppose to be then ? Why I'm Moa Tse Tung the dick-tator.

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

One day, in a peaceful forest, a fly buzzed over a stream.
In the stream, a salmon was swimming, and it looked up and saw the fly. It thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, I'd be able to jump up, catch it, and I'd have myself something to eat."
Alongside the stream, a bear was standing. The bear looked at the fly, and thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, that salmon would jump up to catch it, and I could jump out, snag that salmon, and I'd have myself something to eat."
Across the stream, up a steep slope, a hunter was hidden in the brush. The hunter looked at the fly, and thought to himself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, that salmon would jump up to catch it, the bear would jump up to catch the salmon, and I could jump up, shoot the bear, and I'd have myself a new trophy."
Hidden in the grass behind the hunter was a mouse. The mouse looked at the fly, and thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, the salmon would jump up to catch it, the bear would jump up to catch the salmon, the hunter would jump up to shoot the bear, the sandwich in the hunter's pocket would fall out, and I'd have myself something to eat."
A bit higher up the slope, on a jutting rock, sat a pussy cat. The pussy cat looked down at the fly, and thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, the salmon would jump up to catch it, the bear would jump up to catch the salmon, the hunter would jump up to shoot the bear, the sandwich in the hunter's pocket would fall out, the mouse would hop over to get the sandwich, I could leap down on it, and I'd have myself something to eat."
At that moment, the fly dropped down about a half an inch. The salmon leapt up and caught the fly, the bear leapt out and snagged the salmon, the hunter jumped up and shot the bear, the mouse hopped out and started to eat the hunter's sandwich, and the pussy cat leapt down to catch the mouse...but it missed. It rolled down the slope, and fell into the stream.
Moral of the Story: A lot of things have to happen to get a pussy wet.

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

One day, in a peaceful forest, a fly buzzed over a stream.
In the stream, a salmon was swimming, and it looked up and saw the fly. It thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, I'd be able to jump up, catch it, and I'd have myself something to eat."
Alongside the stream, a bear was standing. The bear looked at the fly, and thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, that salmon would jump up to catch it, and I could jump out, snag that salmon, and I'd have myself something to eat."
Across the stream, up a steep slope, a hunter was hidden in the brush. The hunter looked at the fly, and thought to himself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, that salmon would jump up to catch it, the bear would jump up to catch the salmon, and I could jump up, shoot the bear, and I'd have myself a new trophy."
Hidden in the grass behind the hunter was a mouse. The mouse looked at the fly, and thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, the salmon would jump up to catch it, the bear would jump up to catch the salmon, the hunter would jump up to shoot the bear, the sandwich in the hunter's pocket would fall out, and I'd have myself something to eat."
A bit higher up the slope, on a jutting rock, sat a pussy cat. The pussy cat looked down at the fly, and thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, the salmon would jump up to catch it, the bear would jump up to catch the salmon, the hunter would jump up to shoot the bear, the sandwich in the hunter's pocket would fall out, the mouse would hop over to get the sandwich, I could leap down on it, and I'd have myself something to eat."
At that moment, the fly dropped down about a half an inch. The salmon leapt up and caught the fly, the bear leapt out and snagged the salmon, the hunter jumped up and shot the bear, the mouse hopped out and started to eat the hunter's sandwich, and the pussy cat leapt down to catch the mouse...but it missed. It rolled down the slope, and fell into the stream.
Moral of the Story: A lot of things have to happen to get a pussy wet.

Where's the like button when you need it

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

Cowboy Chili . . .

A cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Medicine Bow, Wyoming.

He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young Cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke,
"If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, you go ahead."

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili.
The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili back into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."

[Iowatech]

Re: Joke of the Day

Cowboy Chili . . .

A cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Medicine Bow, Wyoming.

He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young Cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke,
"If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, you go ahead."

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili.
The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili back into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."

Manual "Like" button press

[BLADE]

Re: Joke of the Day

'nice' button

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?
You get kicked out of the petting zoo.

[Gamut]

Re: Joke of the Day

One day in the future, BarackObama has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.


"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on mylist, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'lltell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren'tquite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to thefirst room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, andsurfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced withnothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, andI don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did wasswing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would bein constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commentedObama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on thebed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eaglepose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, Ican handle this."

The devil smiled and said............

"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

Recycled joke content into a modern political quip, sorry but the humour from it is long gone for me. I heartily await your next joke in the hopes I can actually chuckle.

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

One day in the future, BarackObama has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.


"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on mylist, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'lltell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren'tquite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to thefirst room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, andsurfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced withnothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, andI don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did wasswing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would bein constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commentedObama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on thebed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eaglepose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, Ican handle this."

The devil smiled and said............

"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

Like muchly

[blsquires]

Re: Joke of the Day

young bloke gets killed in a car accident.he goes to heaven and st peter says I have gone through your records and you must be the unluckiest person I have ever met .you have had so many accidents ,your favourite cat died in an accident ,your house burnt down just before you paid your insurance.is there anything I can do to make you feel better.
well he said I was getting married next week and I have never seen my fiancé in the nude ,is there any chance.
well said st peter I cannot send you back as a human but you can go back as a bird but only for a day .
ok said the bloke and in a flash he was turned into a sparrow .he flew down to the tree outside his fiancés window just as she was getting ready for bed and he went cheep cheep and carried on watching then she took of her dress ,cheep cheep ,then she took of her bra ,cheep cheep cheep ,then she started to take off her knickers,cheep cheep cheep cheep .








then a cat ate him

[Iowatech]

Re: Joke of the Day

'nice' button

Thanks! I take what I have, and do what I can.

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

The bartender says, "Hey bud, no pets allowed in here."
The man says, "But wait! This is a special dog, you have to turn on the game to see. When the Jets score, my dog does flips!"
Sure enough, when the bartender turns on the game, the Jets make a few field goals and the dog starts flipping and jumping after each kick.
"Wow," said the bartender, amazed, "that's great! What does he do when they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know, I've only had him for two years."

[emujo]

Re: Joke of the Day

The bartender says, "Hey bud, no pets allowed in here."
The man says, "But wait! This is a special dog, you have to turn on the game to see. When the Jets score, my dog does flips!"
Sure enough, when the bartender turns on the game, the Jets make a few field goals and the dog starts flipping and jumping after each kick.
"Wow," said the bartender, amazed, "that's great! What does he do when they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know, I've only had him for two years."

Insert Bucs, and now it's hilarious...Emujo