Joke of the Day

[Shadow]

Re: Joke of the Day

Jenny, a blonde girl, came skipping home from school today...



"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10.
See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" Jenny asked.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.

... The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good, Jenny," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day Jenny came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No Honey, it's because you're 24."

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

Jenny, a blonde girl, came skipping home from school today...



"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10.
See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" Jenny asked.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.

... The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good, Jenny," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day Jenny came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No Honey, it's because you're 24."

"Like" x3

[Phrag]

Re: Joke of the Day

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

"I want to get weighed," she said. They walked over to the weight guesser, and he guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale. It read
117, so she won a prize.

The couple then went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said.

Since they had been there before, the weight guesser guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.

Joe decided Kim was weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

"I want to get weighed," she said. They walked over to the weight guesser, and he guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale. It read
117, so she won a prize.

The couple then went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said.

Since they had been there before, the weight guesser guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.

Joe decided Kim was weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.
Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."
The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"
Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."
Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times."

[mojorolla]

Re: Joke of the Day

Guy walking down a beach in California. Sees a bottle, picks it up. Rubs it. Out comes a genie.
"I'll give you one wish," says the genie.
"I'd love to go to Hawaii, but I'm afraid of boats, afraid of planes. I want to drive there, so build me a bridge to Hawaii."
"Geeez!" said the genie. "I know I said 'anything,' but the amount of concrete and materials for such a bridge, the engineering, well, I'm afraid you've wished for something that's virtually impossible to do, even for me. Please, wish for something else."
"Okay, how about this. I just want to understand women."
"Two lanes, or four lanes?"

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob{Random snip}The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times."

Like ,like like...priceless.....

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

Guy walking down a beach in California. Sees a bottle, picks it up. Rubs it. Out comes a genie.
"I'll give you one wish," says the genie.
"I'd love to go to Hawaii, but I'm afraid of boats, afraid of planes. I want to drive there, so build me a bridge to Hawaii."
"Geeez!" said the genie. "I know I said 'anything,' but the amount of concrete and materials for such a bridge, the engineering, well, I'm afraid you've wished for something that's virtually impossible to do, even for me. Please, wish for something else."
"Okay, how about this. I just want to understand women."
"Two lanes, or four lanes?"

Believe me, I would give my right arm to be able to understand men

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

Believe me, I would give my right arm to be able to understand men

These may help you.

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town out in the country. She orders the chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Well these two hillbillies in the next booth notice she is choking so they get up and go over to help her. The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over and the second hillbilly starts licking his butt. The women watches these two go at it and is grossed out. She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. The hillbilly pulls his overalls back up and says to the other, "You're right Leroy, that hind-lick maneuver works like a charm."

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

These may help you.

That's not actually far off my brain, obviously my toilet aiming cell is significantly bigger, the ball sports is replaced by motor racing and the ironing gland is non existant, but otherwise it's pretty close

[mojorolla]

Re: Joke of the Day

Believe me, I would give my right arm to be able to understand men

Men have 2 modes: hungry and horny. If we are not naked, we probably want a sandwich.

[Phrag]

Re: Joke of the Day

Men have 2 modes: hungry and horny. If we are not naked, we probably want a sandwich.

Where's the Like button when you need it?

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

Why I fired the secretary today.

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday".
I thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane said, "Good morning boss, happy birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know,it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me".
I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!
"We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day...We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said, "Let's go to my apartment".
After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back".
"OK", I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked...

[Tonerbomb]

Re: Joke of the Day

Why I fired the secretary today.

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday".
I thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane said, "Good morning boss, happy birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know,it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me".
I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!
"We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day...We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said, "Let's go to my apartment".
After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back".
"OK", I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked...

LIKE best thing I've read today!!!!! 5th Monday this week........