Joke of the Day

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

A newly wed couple move into a new house
and the wife notices a mirror hanging on the wall.
She goes up to it and says
"Mirror Mirror on the wall,
what part of my body suites
my husband most of all?"
The mirror suddenly reply's "your tits."

She then say "Mirror Mirror on the wall
give me a size fourty four...
Bam! she gets really big tits.
Excitedly she runs down stairs to show
her husband, who is amazed to see her new look.

The husband then rushes upstairs
to the mirror and says
"Mirror Mirror on the wall
what part of my body suites
my wife most of all? "
The mirror replys "your dick."

Amazed, the mans says
"Mirror Mirror on the wall
make my dick touch the floor."
Bam! his legs fall off....

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

One more I'm getting RSI .....
--------------------------------
A married couple are in a serious accident and the wifes face is severly burned.
The doctor tells the husband that they cannot graft skin from her body
because she is so skinny. So the husband decides to donate his own skin
for the operarion. However, the doctor finds the only suitable place to
take skin is from the mans buttocks. The husband requests that no one
know of this as it is a very sensitive matter.

After surgery is complete every one is amazed at the woman new face.
All her freinds, family and relatives all rant and rave about her new looks.

One day she is alone with her husband and say, "Dear I just want
to thank you for all that you've done for me,I don't know how to
repay you.
The man replies "Oh! don't worry Honey!, I get enough thanks
every time your mother kisses you on the cheek..."

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.
At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'
The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?
Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go picka her up."

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

I really wish this was a joke, but I'm still waiting...

perfect man.jpg

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

I really wish this was a joke, but I'm still waiting...

[ATTACH=CONFIG]26838[/ATTACH]

Well, if you are looking for a man who is sensitive, picks up after himself, cleans, cooks and likes to talk about his feelings, dresses neatly and always puts the seat down... he is most likely gay.

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

Well, if you are looking for a man who is sensitive, picks up after himself, cleans, cooks and likes to talk about his feelings, dresses neatly and always puts the seat down... he is most likely gay.

No, I'm not that fussy, but one who doesn't continually let me down...especially on my 50th birthday would be nice!!

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

No, I'm not that fussy, but one who doesn't continually let me down...especially on my 50th birthday would be nice!!

If you've got one of those friends who can look at someone, and make a judgement call about whether or not another guy is a complete douche bag, ask his advice.

I don't even give that advice anymore, even though I presently have a 100% accuracy rate. The reason being that I get asked, give my (typically correct) opinion, and summarily get ignored anyways. I make sure to laugh extra hard when it falls apart while dancing and singing "I told you so" over and over again. In retrospect it's probably why I don't have many female friends anymore...

^{Editor's note: the above was dramatization, at no point was I ever that much of an ass hole, though I did spout the "I told you so".}

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

If you've got one of those friends who can look at someone, and make a judgement call about whether or not another guy is a complete douche bag, ask his advice.

I have, and for ages he's been telling me just that LOL, but being a typical female, I never listen, I think after last weekend I may have to begin to accept he was probably right all along...but I never was that bright where men are concerned LOL

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

I have, and for ages he's been telling me just that LOL, but being a typical female, I never listen, I think after last weekend I may have to begin to accept he was probably right all along...but I never was that bright where men are concerned LOL

You know how a woman can meet another woman and tell if she is a slut or a bitch? Well, guys have that same skill in telling if another is a total dog or just an asshole.

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

You know how a woman can meet another woman and tell if she is a slut or a bitch? Well, guys have that same skill in telling if another is a total dog or just an asshole.

What's the difference between a bitch and a slut?

A slut fucks everyone, a bitch fucks everyone but you.

Oh shit, I think I might have the wrong thread...

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

What's the difference between a bitch and a slut?

A slut fucks everyone, a bitch fucks everyone but you.

Oh shit, I think I might have the wrong thread...

Thanks, I was just about to drink a mouthful of tea when I read that, luckily for my keyboard I hadn't got any in my mouth when I read that LOL

[fixthecopier]

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

A husband and wife were shopping at the local grocery store.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in the cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them", demands the wife.
They carry on with their shopping. A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

What do liquid drain-o and a dutch stripper have in common?

They both slowly remove clogs.