Joke of the Day

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

My neighbor pissed me off last night. he kept playing the same Lionel Ritchie song over and over. Normally I wouldn't mind but it was all night long.

[Tricky]

Re: Joke of the Day

The grand old Duke of York, he had ten thousand pounds, he gave it all to a dodgy pimp, and made a young lady frown.

BBC News - Prince Andrew sex case claim denied

[slimslob]

[Tricky]

Re: Joke of the Day

I signed up to a website for constipation but I'm having massive problems with the log out button.

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

The reposts are getting more frequent. I think I posted that elephant joke not but a few pages back...

Nah just the alziemiers kicking in. With luck in a couple of more years we'll be able to tell the same jokes to the "same new people" every single day....

[KenB]

Re: Joke of the Day

Nah just the alziemiers kicking in. With luck in a couple of more years we'll be able to tell the same jokes to the "same new people" every single day....

Wouldn't that be a cake job... a comedian who only tours retirement homes...

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

When I was 6 I got coal from Santa. I decided to get back at the bastard, so the next year I poisoned the cookies. Somehow, the bastard found out and killed my dad.

[fixthecopier]

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these." The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, butwhen the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped. I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time." Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his ontothe floor and shouted, "Quick!Spit'em out! They're assholes!"

[Phrag]

Re: Joke of the Day

Where does bad light go?

In prism.

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

Bill gates: So why don't you tell me why Bing failed.
Board: We feel there was a public nescience towards Bing.
Bill gates: Nescience? Let me Goog- Oh I see what you mean.

[Phrag]

Re: Joke of the Day

Bill gates: So why don't you tell me why Bing failed.
Board: We feel there was a public nescience towards Bing.
Bill gates: Nescience? Let me Goog- Oh I see what you mean.

Let it be known, that today I learned a new word and what it means, even after binging it... I mean Googling.

[bigwul]

Re: Joke of the Day

I think there is a distinct lack of knowledge or awareness as to the meaning of nescience...

<Thanks need to go to Google and Merriam Webster!!!>

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire amongst them.
The strongest one started 1st,
"watch this," He said as he flies so fast, about 100 miles/hour. After only 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth. "what happened?" they asked. "did you see that house over there?" "yes?" "well.. I killed the entire family and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? fascinating, as expected from the strongest vampire"
Then the eldest one takes the next turn "watch and learn," he said as he flies even faster, about 120 miles/hour. After only 5 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth and his neck. "what happened??" they asked. "did you see that village over there?" "ye..yes?" "well.. I killed every last person on that village and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? magnificent! truly amazing, we can expect no less from the eldest one!"
Finally the last turn belongs to the fastest one, "don't blink or you'll miss it" he said as he flies really fast, even faster than the other two, about 140 miles/hour. After only a mere 30 seconds, he comes back with blood all over his mouth, his neck, and his nose. "wh..what happened???" they asked. "did you see that big ass tree over there?" "ye..yes?!" "well.. I didn't"

[emujo]

Re: Joke of the Day

3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire amongst them.
The strongest one started 1st,
"watch this," He said as he flies so fast, about 100 miles/hour. After only 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth. "what happened?" they asked. "did you see that house over there?" "yes?" "well.. I killed the entire family and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? fascinating, as expected from the strongest vampire"
Then the eldest one takes the next turn "watch and learn," he said as he flies even faster, about 120 miles/hour. After only 5 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth and his neck. "what happened??" they asked. "did you see that village over there?" "ye..yes?" "well.. I killed every last person on that village and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? magnificent! truly amazing, we can expect no less from the eldest one!"
Finally the last turn belongs to the fastest one, "don't blink or you'll miss it" he said as he flies really fast, even faster than the other two, about 140 miles/hour. After only a mere 30 seconds, he comes back with blood all over his mouth, his neck, and his nose. "wh..what happened???" they asked. "did you see that big ass tree over there?" "ye..yes?!" "well.. I didn't"

Now we can officially say "Jan 8th is the day Akitu became senile"