Re: Joke of the Day
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Re: Joke of the Day
I ask 100 women which shampoo they preferred and the number one answer was "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE!?"The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
HOT COFFEE
Gotta love those grand kids ..
I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?"
Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Presidents Day!" ..
She's smart, so I asked her "What does Presidents Day mean?"
I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush or Clinton, maybe Abraham Lincoln...
She replied, "Presidents Day is when the President steps out of the White House."
She continued, "If he sees his shadow, we have another year of bullshit."
It hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Weeelll, I'd say your survey technique was not the best method for your personal pole poll .....
Might work better if you try to pole poll women some other way... Hey! I'm no expert on polls or womens survey's...
No doubt that'll tickle some of the X chromosomes on the forum........
Last edited by NeoMatrix; 01-31-2015, 07:13 AM.Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
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Re: Joke of the Day
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Probably a repeat but what the hell, remember I only steal the best
Doctors prognosis
One day John's tennis elbow was acting up and he decided to stop in and see a doctor. When he got to the doctor's office the nurse told him he could see the doctor in 15 minutes but, first he'd have to give a urine sample. John said that this was absurd but, the nurse insisted and John complied. 15 minutes later, John was ushered in to see the doctor.
"So that tennis elbow is really acting up, huh?" the doctor said. "The nurse must have told you," said John, wondering how the Doctor knew. "No. It was in your urinalysis." and the doctor continued to say that he had just purchased this new machine that could diagnose every physical condition with total accuracy. John didn't believe a word of this but he did agree to provide another urine sample on check-up visit.
Two days later, John was sitting at the kitchen table with his wife and his teen age daughter. He was telling them about this ridiculous machine, when John decided to have a little fun with the doctor. John pissed in the bottle as did his wife and teen age daughter. Then while walking to his garage he had a brainstorm. John put a few drops of oil from his crankcase in the jar and finally beat off and put a few drops of semen in the jar.
He drove to the doctors office, shook the bottle, then handed it to the nurse. This time his urinalysis took half an hour.
Finally, John was ushered in to see the doctor. The doctor looked at him and said, "I've got some bad news, smart ass. Your daughter is pregnant, your wife's got V. D., your car is about to throw a rod, and if you don't stop beating off that tennis elbow is never gonna heal!"Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
When I was growing up, my mom told me I could be anybody I wanted. Apparently the law calls that identity theft.The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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"You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --
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Re: Joke of the Day
As children my elder sister an I where at a local rodeo one year and we became separated from our parents. Concerned about the hour my sister asked one of the wranglers/cowboys what the time was but the cowboy wasn't wearing a wrist watch. He lifts his hat up to the sun and say "the time is 2:17" to the minute. My sister was impressed so she asked the guy standing beside him what was the time. In turn the guy looks at his wrist watch say's "2:17" as well. Totally amazed my sister turns to the cowboy with the hat and says "how can you tell the time by looking at the sun"? The guy with the watch says "don't worry about it luv, he's got a watch pinned inside the top of his hat. He just does that to impress the ladies"...
True story....Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
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Re: Joke of the Day
A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"If it ain't broke, don't fix it
A picture is worth a thousand wordsComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A priest a doctor and an engineer...
were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
So the other day I went to the supermarket, and I was there for literally 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi lover. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!
So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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