Joke of the Day

[allan]

Re: Joke of the Day

natural i don't think she would be able to follow the directions on a die box.

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[White_Toner]

Re: Joke of the Day

Sorry, if my english isn't good for jokes...

The first post was in my opinion about blondes.
Continuation:
One blonde asks another: You know where light in kitchen
disappears if to switch off it?
Other blonde answers: No, I don't know.
Look!..., the first blonde speaks and turns off the light in kitchen.
Then approaches the refrigerator, opens a door of the refrigerator and speaks:
Here it !!!

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

I made a graph of my past relationships. I have an "ex" axis and a "why" axis.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Q... How many perverts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A... Just one, but it takes a whole emergency room to remove it.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

A man who just turned 105 is getting interviewed by the paper.
Journalist: "So John, congratulations on turning 105, we are writing a story about your everyday life. What is the first thing you do in the morning?"
John: "I take a piss.....oooh I piss so much!"
Journalist: "Okay John, but I can't write that in the paper, what's the second thing you do in the morning?"
John: "I shit, oh boy do I shit!"
Journalist: "John, come on, I can't write that in the paper either, what's the third thing you do in the morning?"
John: "I get out of bed..!"
Journalist: "Thank you"

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

I made a graph of my past relationships. I have an "ex" axis and a "why" axis.

Okay,you've probably arrived at the conclusion that you are no longer able to get a positive square root by derriving your "ex" axis. There's high probability it could further upset your trend with the "why" axis. Assuming of cause that you have no large tangent sticking out, otherwise the mass of that problem could be reduced to lowest terms with a simple calculation by hand. The product of that exercise would leave any further attempt to plot the "ex" OR "why" axis unchanged and the tangental mass then safely tucked away back at it's origin. Futher more attempting to replot the "ex" axis while at the same time plotting a "why" axis could leave you with an serverely reduced tangent.




Feel free to use the above algorithm any time you feel the urge to derrive a tangent into your "ex' or "why" axis.....

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Assuming of cause that you have no large tangent sticking out....... could leave you with an serverely reduced tangent.




Feel free to use the above algorithm any time you feel the urge to derrive a tangent into your "ex' or "why" axis.....

I have to take issue with you talking about the size of my tangent. I don't know what you've heard, but remember ex's lie!

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

I have to take issue with you talking about the size of my tangent. I don't know what you've heard, but remember ex's lie!

Okay I assumed you where a "Tan Gent" those guys have longer vectors.
I'm just your average "White Gent" so we only plot with average vectors.

My mistake sorry....

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their
8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with
a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted. He began
his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

"An ambulance just drove by!"

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike!"

"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"

"Jason is on his skate board!"

After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having sex."

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out,
"How do you know they're having sex?"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."

[MHeon71]

Re: Joke of the Day

A polish guy and a frenchman were being chased by some soldiers and they become cornered at a cliff. The frenchman tells the polish guy to jump into the mud puddle at bottom of the cliff and tell him how deep the mud is. So the polish guy jumps and shouts out that the mud is ankle deep. The frenchman jumps from the cliff and into the mud and is neck deep in mud. The frenchman asked the polish guy " I thought you said it was ankle deep?" The polish guy said " Yes, I jumped in head first."

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock -- it's half-past three in the morning.
"I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.
So, he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?"
"No. Get lost, it's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says.
"Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's door to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband. "It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."
So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts: "Hey, do you still want a push?" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger, he shouts: "Where are you?"
And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your swing seat.?

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

THE OLD RANCHER

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was
marrying a 'mail order' bride.

Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be.
Tom proudly said, 'She'll be twenty-one in November.'

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man.

Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch,
knowing nature would take its own course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon. About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.
How's the new wife?', asked the banker. Tom proudly said, 'Good, she's pregnant.'

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, 'And how's the hired hand?
Without hesitating, Tom said, 'She's pregnant too.'

Don't ever underestimate Old Guys.

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[fixthecopier]