Joke of the Day

**fixthecopier** · 05-29-2018, 12:16 PM

Re: Joke of the Day

My wife shouted at me to go out and find her some tampons, QUICKLY!

So, I sprinted to the car, raced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! I burst in through the front door, ran up the stairs, slammed open the bathroom door and shouted, "Walmart, halfway down aisle 10, bottom shelf!"

**NeoMatrix** · 05-29-2018, 12:40 PM

Re: Joke of the Day

Originally posted by fixthecopier

My wife shouted at me to go out and find her some tampons, QUICKLY!

So, I sprinted to the car, raced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! I burst in through the front door, ran up the stairs, slammed open the bathroom door and shouted, "Walmart, halfway down aisle 10, bottom shelf!"

Puffed out after that? ...

Lucky you didn't spill your beer, I would have been cross with her if you did.

The nerve of some people.... beer doesn't grow on trees....

**ZOOTECH** · 05-30-2018, 02:02 AM

Re: Joke of the Day

Sorry, a repeat:

Subject: Male Logic

Woman:

Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman:

How many beers a day?

Man:

Usually about 3

Woman:

How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

(This is where it gets scary !)

Woman:

And how long have you been drinking?

Man:

About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:

Man:

Correct

Woman:

If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past

20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:

Correct

Woman:

for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:

Do you drink beer?

Woman:

No

Man:

**Batman1976** · 05-30-2018, 10:18 AM

Re: Joke of the Day

A Dyslexic Man walks into a Bra......................

**ZOOTECH** · 05-31-2018, 03:52 AM

Re: Joke of the Day

Meanwhile a squirrel whom had been

**fixthecopier** · 06-01-2018, 12:30 AM

Re: Joke of the Day

A group of men live and die for their Saturday morning golf game. One of them transfers to another city and they're lost without him.
A new woman joins their Club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?
"No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says ... Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m. He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.
The woman says this may be a problem, and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.
They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay".
She's there at 6:30 a.m. sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She's fun and pleasant, and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles and says, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They're totally amazed.
They can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them.
The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge.
This woman is a riddle no one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse, and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushes and grins. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous," she replies. "I like to switch back and forth."
"When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his Willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed."
The guys think this is hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?"
She says, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."

**bob marley** · 06-01-2018, 02:27 AM

Re: Joke of the Day

88.jpg

**ZOOTECH** · 06-01-2018, 04:30 AM

Re: Joke of the Day

The Indian With One Testicle
There once was an Indian who had only one testicle
and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that
name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally
cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone
again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called
him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird
forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He
jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into
the forest where he made love to her all day and
all night. He made love to her all the next day,
until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what
he promised he would do. Years went by and no
one dared call him by his given name until A woman
named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being
away. Yellow Bird, who wasBlueBird's cousin, was
overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him
and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,
then he made love to her all day, made love to her all
night, made love to her all the next day, made love to
her all the next night, butYellowBird wouldn't die!

Why ???

OH, come on... take a guess !!!

Think about it !

You're going to love this !!!

Everyone knows...

You can't kill Two Birds

withOneStone!

**slimslob** · 06-01-2018, 06:12 AM

Re: Joke of the Day

**slimslob** · 06-02-2018, 06:26 AM

**slimslob** · 06-02-2018, 06:32 AM

Re: Joke of the Day

WORST FOURSOME IN GOLF HISTORY

STORMY DANIELS
O. J. SIMPSON
TED KENNEDY
BILL CLINTON

WHY ? (you ask)

**slimslob** · 06-02-2018, 06:34 AM

**NeoMatrix** · 06-02-2018, 09:43 AM

Re: Joke of the Day

Originally posted by slimslob

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
‘What was that for?’ the man asked. The wife replied ,
‘That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket’.
The man then said ‘When I was at the races last week ,Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.’ The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied. ‘Your horse phoned’

and said --RUN! FOREST!, RUN!!!.....

**fixthecopier** · 06-02-2018, 12:03 PM

Re: Joke of the Day

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to medical school.

Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.

**fixthecopier** · 06-03-2018, 09:56 PM

Re: Joke of the Day

My friend Karen and I visited a place where you can stand in three states at once; Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri. It was then that Karen opened up to me and said that she was in a fourth state, crippling depression. I said, "That's not fair, you can't count Missouri twice."

Joke of the Day

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