Joke of the Day

[ZOOTECH]

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

Like it but seen it somewhere before.

[Brian8506]

Re: Joke of the Day

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Pain free dentistry...http://i.imgur.com/sgVIlzG.jpg


I tried it with my dentist, now he won't quit calling.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Had to share this one also ...http://i.imgur.com/kEAHXZw.jpg

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

There were once two airplane mechanics from New Jersey who were also drinking buddies.
One night, the mechanics (Rick and Paul) were finishing up their shift and discussing where they should go for a drink afterwards.
"I don't know, man," said Rick. "We've been to every bar in town. The scene's getting old."
"Well," replied Paul, "there is one other option. I've heard drinking jet fuel gives you a pretty good buzz."
"Fuck it, I'll try anything once," said Rick, and they grabbed the nearest can of jet fuel and had the kind of time that only drinking buddies can.
The next morning, Rick awoke expecting the hangover from hell. To his surprise, he felt fine. Better than fine, even; he felt great!
"This is amazing," he thought. "All the fun of drinking, but with no negative effects!"
Just then, he receives a call from Paul.
"Hey man," said Paul. "How ya feelin'?"
"I feel great!" Exclaimed Rick. "You?"
"Pretty good, but there's just one thing... Did you fart yet?"
"No," said a puzzled Rick. "Why do you ask?"
"Because," Paul said. "I'm in Arizona."

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local cafe. While dining, they discovered that their saltshaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt.
How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only the implements at hand?

Clearly this was a job for Mensa! The group debated and presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer.
They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker..."

"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

[HenryT2]

Re: Joke of the Day

A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local cafe. While dining, they discovered that their saltshaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt.
How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only the implements at hand?

Clearly this was a job for Mensa! The group debated and presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer.
They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker..."

"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

See .... There is a simple explanation to this .......
Most Mensa's are PHD's : they don't have anyone with a CS .

CS = Common Sense

P.S. The waitress was not blonde .

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

The Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.
I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke,
"Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fainted, and the congregation roared!

[Brian8506]

Re: Joke of the Day

I know that we are getting older and have short attention spans,

so this lesson will be kept short and sweet, Geography Lesson of the Day

That concludes our Geography Lesson of the Day!



Thank you. Take a nap and try not to hurt yourself.

Please pass on this valuable information.

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the African desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a Camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women.
And sir, sometimes the men have "urges". That's why we have Molly The Camel."

The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about "urges", so the camel can stay."

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.
Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel.

When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"

"No, not really, sir... they usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."

[KapeKopyTek]

Re: Joke of the Day

A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the African desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a Camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women.
And sir, sometimes the men have "urges". That's why we have Molly The Camel."

The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about "urges", so the camel can stay."

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.
Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel.

When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"

"No, not really, sir... they usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."

Bwahahahahahaha!

[MjarbarV2.0]

Re: Joke of the Day

Two old ladies are discussing their dead husbands. One said: "Did you have mutual orgasms?"
"No" said the other, "I think we were with the Prudential."

A man walks into his local pet and says to the assistant: "I want my money back for this budgie sunbed."
The assistant replied: "That's a toasted-sandwich maker mate. "

My horoscope said: "You're going places and can't be stopped."
Unfortunately the officer who gave me a ticket obviously hadn't read it."

Patient: "I have this urge to paint myself gold. Why?"
Psychiatrist: "It sounds to me as if you have a gilt complex."

Father: "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?"
Son: "Diet"

Woman: My husband has flat feet. Is that grounds for divorce?"
Lawyer: "Not unless his feet visit the wrong flat."

My dogs so lazy, whenever I'm watering the garden, he never lifts a leg to help.

I asked my dyslexic friend, "Which American rock band split up in 2011?" He said: "Erm..."

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Graphic video of a lion taking down a giraffe...http://i.imgur.com/5mkxxi5.gif

[Tricky]

Re: Joke of the Day

I asked my dyslexic friend, "Which American rock band split up in 2011?" He said: "Erm..."

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who lay awake at night wondering if there really is a dog?