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There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don't -
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Re: Joke of the Day
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Guy's Night Out
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the guys." I told my
wife that I would be home by midnight, "I promise."
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around
3:00 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door,
the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckoo-ed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my wife would wake up, I cuckoo-ed another 9 times. I
was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her.
(Even when totally smashed.....3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12
cuckoos = midnight.)
The next morning my wife asked me, what time I got in and I told her
"midnight." She didn't seem upset at all.
Whew! Got away with that one!
Then she said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckoo-ed 3
times, then said, "Oh *****", cuckoo-ed 4 more times, cleared its throat,
cuckoo-ed another 3 times, giggled, cuckoo-ed twice more, and then tripped
over the coffee table and farted.""You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --
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If you'd like a serious answer to your request:
1) demonstrate that you've read the manual
2) demonstrate that you made some attempt to fix it.
3) if you're going to ask about jams include the jam code.
4) if you're going to ask about an error code include the error code.
5) You are the person onsite. Only you can make observations.
blackcat: Master Of The Obvious =^..^=Comment
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There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don'tComment
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There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don'tComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Why soccer will never make it in American culture...http://i.imgur.com/sMBI0Pu.gifThe greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
And I reposted it later in the thread
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy,Looking like he'd just been run over by a train.His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken,His face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean,"He couldn't do that to you,He must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had,and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself;
That I did," said Paddy."Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing ofBeauty it was, but useless in a fight."Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
AMISH LADY DRIVER IS PULLED OVER.
"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you
that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be
dangerous."
"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it
as soon as I return home."
"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is
wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to
animals so you should have your husband check that too."
"Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check this when I get home."
True to her word, when the Amish lady got home, she told her husband about
the broken reflector.
He said he would put a new one on immediately.
"Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something
wrong with the emergency brake."Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Bearly Evangelism
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a Rabbi, all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear.
And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around.
So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb.
The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed,
"WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD!
But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek.
So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast, and traction, with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.
The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start...""You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
a boy run into the police station and said my dad and another man are having a huge fight in the pub and I am worried they will kill each other.
so the police ran to the pub and stopped the fight .the cop said to the boy which one is your dad .the boy said I don't know ,that's what the fight was about.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
david Attenborough heard of a man that captured bears for zoos without harming them so he contacted the bloke and asked if he could join the hunt.
well he got the ok so he went to the blokes hq and got in his jeep .the only equipment he had in the jeep was a net a gun and a huge dog.
david said whats the gun for and the bloke said don't worry about the gun I hardly ever use it.
so off they went into the forest and saw a bear up a tree so he shook the tree as hard as he could and the bear fell down when it landed the dog started humping it and he threw a net over the bear tied it up and put it in the back of the jeep .david said that's brilliant the bear is ok and you didn't use the gun.
no he said I hardly ever use the gun.they caught two more bears and david was amazed.the bears fell out of the tree the dog humped them then he netted them .the hunter said one more bear and we will go home .
he saw another bear and chased it up the tree and shook the tree as hard as he could but the bear wouldn't move .so he said I am going up the tree after the bear and this is where the gun comes in handy.david said oh I see if the bear attacks you I shoot the bear.no said the hunter if I come down first shoot the bloody dog.
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