Joke of the Day

[MHeon71]

Re: Joke of the Day

Janitor is cleaning a church next to the confessional while the priest is listening to confessions.

The priest pokes his head out and ask if the janitor can listen to confession, while he goes to the bathroom.

The janitor says "I have never done confession and would not know what to give for penance.

Priest says that it is easy and that there is a chart within the confessional.

Janitor agrees and starts to listen to confessions.

1st person says I am sorry father but I have lied to my parents.

Janitor looks at chart and says to say 1 Hail Mary and 1 Our Father.

2nd person says I am sorry father for I have stolen from a local store.

Janitor looks at chart and says to say 3 Hail Marys and 2 Our Fathers.

3rd person says I am sorry father for I have sinned. I have had sex with a little boy.

The janitor could not find the sin and pokes his out of the confessional and sees an alter boy and asks what the father gives for having sex with little boys.

The alter boy says 2 Twinkees and a Ring Ding

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

Justmanuals : Two cows

You twat...

I actually caught my self lauging out loud...

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

This was just posted in my jokes&funnys group on Facebook:

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner, unannounced, at 5:30pm after
work.
His wife begins screaming at him, while his friend just sits and listens.
"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done.
I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him unannounced to our home?"
"Because he's thinking of getting married."

I think I posted a very similar one in this thread a while back. I think I'll avoid your group just so I don't become the main contributor, nothing personal; I just want to give everyone else a chance.

[Akitu]

[JustManuals]

Re: Joke of the Day

I think I posted a very similar one in this thread a while back. I think I'll avoid your group just so I don't become the main contributor, nothing personal; I just want to give everyone else a chance.

That's ok, I scarf them from here and post them there

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

That's ok, I scarf them from here and post them there

Happy to help you be the funny guy in your group. Feel free to rip off as many as you want.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Two women went out for their weekly "girls night out." After getting really drunk, they proceded to stumble home. On the way, they both had to pee really bad, so they stepped into a cemetary and peed. Having no toilet paper, one of the girls wiped herself with her panties and disgarded them and the other one grabbed a wreath off of a grave and wiped herself with it.

The next morning, one of the husbands called the other and said, "Well, there will be no more girls night out! My wife came home without any panties!" The other husband replied, "You think that's bad, my wife came home with a card stuck in the crack of her ass that read, "From all of us at the fire department, we will never forget you or the way you could handle a big hose."

[Shadow1]

Re: Joke of the Day

Ricoh's new Point-to-Point Wiring Diagram - to go along with their 3D parts catalog.
circuit_diagram.jpg

[blackcat4866]

Re: Joke of the Day

Ricoh's new Point-to-Point Wiring Diagram - to go along with their 3D parts catalog.
[ATTACH=CONFIG]24070[/ATTACH]

If it was a teeny bit larger we could get some more of the humor. I especially like the huge cluster of series/parallel resistors, and the batman logo. =^..^=

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

Ricoh's new Point-to-Point Wiring Diagram - to go along with their 3D parts catalog.
[ATTACH=CONFIG]24070[/ATTACH]

Re schematic.
With the cat hooked into the circuit. I could certainly understand the direct connection to it's bowel motion and the bucket of holy-water or should that be holey-water...

[Shadow1]

Re: Joke of the Day

Re schematic.
With the cat hooked into the circuit. I could certainly understand the direct connection to it's bowel motion and the bucket of holy-water or should that be holey-water...

Hey, I didn't draw it, I'm just sharing.

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

So Cinderella was crying, when her fairy godmother shows up. She asks poor Cinderella, "What's troubling you, my dear?" "My sisters have all gone to the ball, but I can't! I have nothing to wear and no way to go..." cried Cinderella. "Oh fret not. Let me handle this for you," said the fairy godmother. "But first, you have to bring me all the pumpkins you can find."
So Cinderella set off to look for all pumpkins she could find and rolled them back. Then her fairy godmother turned 1 into a beautiful golden carriage, 2 into majestic stallions, 2 into a beautiful pair of glass slippers and 1 into the most elegant and gorgeous white gown you could ever imagine. But Cinderella kept on crying.
"Why are you still troubled, sweetie? You've got everything you need to go to the ball!"
"But I... I... I'm on my period now. I can't wear that white dress," replied Cinderella.
"Don't worry honey," said her fairy godmother, and she turned to look at the garden, only to find the largest pumpkin left, which she turned into a tampon.
And at midnight, Cinderella died.

Squeezed one in before the end of the work day!

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

A man received the following text from his neighbor:

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around.
In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my
sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Damn auto correct. I meant "wifi", not "wife".

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

A man received the following text from his neighbor:

I am so sorry and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
{random snip}

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Damn auto correct. I meant "wifi", not "wife".

Ouch..... . That is sorta scary the more you think about...
That would definitely make it to top of any "Regret of the day/year/life " thread.

[Lagonda]

Re: Joke of the Day

Ricoh's new Point-to-Point Wiring Diagram - to go along with their 3D parts catalog.
[ATTACH=CONFIG]24070[/ATTACH]

Oh dear!!!!!! I've been beating my head against the wall for the last year trying to teach some of the part changers we have around here some basic electronics. I'd just thought that I'd got them to understand a simple circuit with a battery, switch and a resistive load and then you come along and melt their brains down !!!! Oh well back to square one.