Joke of the Day

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Re: Joke of the Day

Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and
said, "I've got to take a shit."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and shit."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass." The
other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"
The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea--
I'll use that!"
He left and came back with shit all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to
you?"
The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3
quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"

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Re: Joke of the Day

The Bathtub Test During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determineWhether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?" "Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a Teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket Because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you Want a bed near the window?"

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Re: Joke of the Day

The phone rings, and the wife answers.





A pervert, with heavy breathing, says,

"I bet you have a tight asshole with no hair"






Woman replies, "Yes I do. He's watching TV -

who shall I say is calling?"

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Re: Joke of the Day

Mike was going to be married to Karen
So his Father sat him down for a little chat.


He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.''


She did and said, 'These are too big.
I can't wear them.'


I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in
This family and I always will.'


Ever since that night, we have
Never had any problems.


'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.


So....On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here, try these on..!


She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'


Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
I don't want you to ever forget that.'


Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine !




Mike did and said,
'I can't get into your panties.'


Karen said, 'Exactly.
And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.'

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Re: Joke of the Day

Saying Grace
Be nice
Sometimes we forget the really important things in life.

Last week, I took my grand-children to a restaurant. My six-year-old grand-son asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my grand-son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my grand-son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was
a great prayer."

"Really?" my grand-son asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied.

Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my grand-children ice cream at the end of the meal. My grand-son stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember the rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Shove it up your ass you grouchy old bitch! "

The End

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Re: Joke of the Day

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Re: Joke of the Day

THINGS YOU COULD SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:time management course

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Men Who Lack Female Supervision

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Re: Joke of the Day

A new phenomenon called E-MOONING We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where: means a smile and is a frown. Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?' Here goes: (_!_) a regular ass (__!__) a fat ass (!) a tight ass (_*_) an ass hole {_!_} a swishy ass (_o_) an ass that's been around (_x_) kiss my ass (_X_) leave my ass alone (_zzz_) a tired ass (_E=mc2_) a smart ass (_$_) Money coming out of his ass (_?_) Dumb Ass You have just been e-mooned! Send this to 5 people within the next hour and you will be blessed with people laughing their asses off at your e-mail.

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Re: Joke of the Day

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I just stole it and shared with colleagues and boss... wish me luck