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Re: Joke of the Day
The biggest problem that I have encountered in understanding women is that no tow are exactly the same. Most of the things you listed earlier are the results of environment and not gender.
The same can be said for men as well.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, and go to Hell.
The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you? Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.'
The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat even more.
When he returns to the room of the two guys from Minnesota , the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and drinking beer.
The devil is astonished and exclaims, 'Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves?'
Sven replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve don't git too much varm veather up dere at da Falls, so ve've yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather's dis nice.'
The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight Finally he comes up with the answer.
The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell. The next morning, the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, and people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth.
The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men.
The devil is dumbfounded, 'I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?'
They both look at the devil in surprise and say 'Vell, don't ya know, if hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bow!'Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day, a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. 'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked. 'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis in the pickle slicer?' 'Oh Bill, you didn't?' 'Yes, I did.' 'My God Bill, what happened?' 'I got fired.' 'No Bill. I mean what happened with the pickle slicer?' 'Oh, she got fired too.'Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Pregnant on the bus
ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,
She complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
What he had to say for himself. the man replied,
'Well your Honor, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming ' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling, '
and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William 's Big Stick Did the Trick, '
and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time And sat under a sign that said,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident! '
... I just lost it. '
'CASE DISMISSED!! '"You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --
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Re: Joke of the Day
a bloke was making mad passionate love to his wife .
he suddenly stopped and said sorry did I hurt you.
she said no why do you ask.
he said ,
you moved
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Re: Joke of the Day
So a plane crashes near a deserted island, and the only survivors are Megan Fox and a guy named Bill. So for months, Bill builds her a shelter, catches fish, cooks, and takes care of Megan, while being a perfect gentleman.
So then Megan approaches Bill one night, and they make passionate love on the beach. This goes on for two weeks.
One day Bill is acting down. Megan asks him, "Bill what's wrong?"
"Nothing." he replies.
Megan persists. "Really, what's wrong?"
"it's ... No, don't worry about it."
Megan turns him around and says, "If there's anything I can do for you, please let me know."
Bill says, "Okay this is weird, but can you wear my hat?"
Megan think to herself, "guys like girls in baseball caps." she says "Sure, why not."
"can you wear my shirt and pants too?"
She thinks to herself, "a shirt I can understand, but the pants? Okay.." so she agrees, and puts them on.
Bill then says "can I borrow your mascara and put a mustache on you can call you Fred?"
At this point she just doesn't care any more. "sure, what ever."
"FRED!! You'll never believe who I've been fucking for the last two weeks!!!"Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
grandad ,can you make a noise like a frog.
grandad said, why are you asking .
little boy said ,
mum said when you croak we are all going to Disneyland
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Re: Joke of the Day
a woman goes to a Chinese herbalist ,she says I have pains in my legs can you give me something for it.
he said I examine you first.take off all clothes so she strips off .then he said in his chinese English ,I want you go on all fours and walk like dog to other side of room.
then walk back to me also on all fours like dog.
when she had done this she said what do you think it is .
he said you have Zachery disease .what is that she asked.
he said your face look Zachery like your arsol.
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Re: Joke of the Day
Two men are having a drink in a bar. One says: "You know, I've never really understood what a dilemma is..."
"Let me tell you a story," says the other man, "Imagine you wake up in a bed with two people next to you. To your left is an incredibly beautiful woman willing to have sex with you, and to your right is a very horny gay man."
"So where's the dilemma?" replies the first man.
"To whom do you turn your back?"Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
I guess I'm just clueless on the entire human race
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