Joke of the Day

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

WHAT RELIGION IS YOUR BRA?
A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to
the woman behind the counter and said,
'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '
' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.'
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied:
'There are the Catholic, Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?'
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple.'
The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.
Oh and
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD , E, F, G, and H are the letters used
to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!
Send this to all that will appreciate it!
.
Oh...They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen!!

[Phil B.]

Re: Joke of the Day

WHAT RELIGION IS YOUR BRA?
A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to
the woman behind the counter and said,
'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '
' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.'
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied:
'There are the Catholic, Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?'
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple.'
The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.
Oh and
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD , E, F, G, and H are the letters used
to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!
Send this to all that will appreciate it!
.
Oh...They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen!!

You Sir might have out done yourself! [emoji16][emoji56]

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

You Sir might have out done yourself! [emoji16][emoji56]

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

I stole it off Facebook from one of the young women who used to be in my Army Reserve Unit.

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

I stole it off Facebook from one of the young women who used to be in my Army Reserve Unit.

Brings to mind an old anecdote.
Elevator Steward....

Travelling in an elevator one morning,I was standing directly at the elevator operating panel.
The elevator was travelling down and stopping at each of the lower floors.
The doors opened an four toffee-nosed university Professors,dressed to the nines, looking seriously important,stepped into the elevator.
I felt like a stick in the mud, I felt that out of place.
Without saying a word;drowning in their own importance, they looked down their nose at me, an assumed that I must press the elevator button for them.

Sharp-as-a-tack...
I said, "Okay guys..., Going down, Ladies Underwear"....

They looked at each other with a serious look, slowly smiled,and bursting into fits of laughter....

I could still hear them laughing as I exit the building....

Seems the Toffee-Profs have a sense of humour....


True story....

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

The coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?" "Yes, coach", replied the boy.... "Do you understand that what matters is we win or lose as a team?" The boy nodded in yes. The coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head, jerk-face or a-hole. Do you understand all that?" Again, the boy nodded yes. And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb ass or shithead is it?" "No, coach. "Good," said the coach, "Now go over there and explain all that to your Grandmother"!

[FrohnB]

Re: Joke of the Day

BREAKING NEWS:
John Travolta was hospitalized with Suspected Covid-19,
but doctors are now confirming that it was only Saturday Night Fever,
and they assure everyone he is Staying Alive.
Apparently he had Chills.....They were Multiplying.

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

BREAKING NEWS:
John Travolta was hospitalized with Suspected Covid-19,
but doctors are now confirming that it was only Saturday Night Fever,
and they assure everyone he is Staying Alive.
Apparently he had Chills.....They were Multiplying.

an was losing control...

His missus said "So ya beta shape up... ,coz I need a man"...

Her skin tight leather outfit did the trick...

Along with 15.2 million other blokes...

[slimslob]

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

Wife: Did I get fat during
quarantine?
Husband: You weren't
really skinny to begin with!
Time of death 11:00 PM
Cause: COVID

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double martini. After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double martini.

Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The customer replied, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

A 2014 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

Another recent study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon.

Not Bad...

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

At a motivational seminar 3 men are asked to come up to the stage.

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say...... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said,
"If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".
This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.
The priest said,
"You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.
Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said,
"I don't know what you're laughing about, Your wife fell three times this week."

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married.

"Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back."

Six months pass and Peter returns. "Yes, we can do this for you."

The couple asks, "Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced?"

To which St. Peter answers, "It took me six months to find a priest up here -- how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?"