Joke of the Day

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

• I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

• Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

• I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
• My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!" They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

• My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

• My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

• What's the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn't beat cancer.

Some people just do not understand morbid jokes. They are actually a way to relieve stress following a horrifying incident. Here is an example that was going around following the Challenger disaster:

Do you know why NASA started buying Sprite?
They couldn't get seven up.

[Coptech]

Re: Joke of the Day

What is the difference between COVID19 and the Boeing 737Max?


COVID19 is airborne.

This will give away my age but I remember when Delta airlines was crashing every time you turned around... My favorite joke at that time was Delta was offering a 25% discount on airfare if you brought your own dental records.

[KenB]

Re: Joke of the Day

Some people just do not understand morbid jokes. They are actually a way to relieve stress following a horrifying incident. Here is an example that was going around following the Challenger disaster:

Do you know why NASA started buying Sprite?
They couldn't get seven up.

NASA = Need Another Seven Astronauts

[emujo2]

Re: Joke of the Day

What was the last thing said on the Shuttle.."Give me a light....NO BUD LIGHT"

[emujo2]

Re: Joke of the Day

Where did Christine Mccollough take her vacation? All over Florida

[tsbservice]

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

Today I learned that the Pentagon was supposed to be the Octagon.
But the contractor kept cutting corners.

[Coptech]

Re: Joke of the Day

Another dated joke that was Challenger related was what do NASA and a walrus have in common? Both are trying to find a good tight seal.

[rspicer]

Re: Joke of the Day

My favorite Challenger joke:
How many astronauts can you fit in a Volkswagon?
11; 2 in the front seat, 2 in the back seat, and 7 in the ashtray.

Wow, that was a long time ago.

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...
Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.
The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.
About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.
By now, the police had arrived.
Breathe here...
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!
The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).
Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.
A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
And that's when he shot her.

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

Q: What does air conditioners and computers have in common?

A: Both become useless when you open windows.

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

SHUTTLE JOKES

Q: What were Christa McAuliffe's last words?
A: "What's this button do?"


Q: What were Christa McAuliffe's last words to her husband?
A: "You feed the kids - I'll feed the fish."


Q: What was the Shuttle's last transmission?
A: "I said BUD LITE!"


Q: Did you know that NASA has a new space drink?
A: Ocean Spray - It was their second choice because they couldn't
get 7-UP.



Q: Did you know why there was only one black crew member on Challenger?
A: They didn't know it was going to blow up.

[FrohnB]

Re: Joke of the Day

-YOU Da BOMB!
-NO, YOU Da BOMB!
A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east.


If you donate a kidney, everyone loves you and calls you a hero.
Try to donate 5 kidneys, and everyone starts yelling, the cops get called, and it all ends badly.


What do you call a deaf Gynecologist? A Lip Reader.


I have a step-ladder, because my real ladder left when I was a kid.

[FrohnB]

[kingarthur]

Re: Joke of the Day

My first wife told me I only had 2 faults.....everything i did and everything i said......