Joke of the Day

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  • ZOOTECH
    Senior member of CRS

    Site Contributor
    2,500+ Posts
    • Jul 2007
    • 3375

    #301
    Re: Joke of the Day

    POOR BOB
    Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.


    The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?' His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
    'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.


    When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'
    'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'


    A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, 'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'


    Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
    Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
    Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it . She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.


    The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'


    BOB's funeral will be on Friday.
    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

    Comment

    • mjarbar

      #302
      Re: Joke of the Day

      Q: Did you hear about the bloke with five penises?
      A: His pants fit like a glove

      I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.
      To be honest,I only wanted to rough him up a bit

      Comment

      • NeoMatrix
        Senior Tech.

        2,500+ Posts
        • Nov 2010
        • 3513

        #303
        Re: Joke of the Day

        I don't know how many people have see this ?
        I don't know if this Lady and her postal address is real or not, but it's bloody funny for the posty.Google Image Result for http://johns-jokes.com/afiles/images/linda-lykes-the-cockwell-inn-erbum-tillet-herts.jpg

        If you can't click the above link let me know.
        Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
        •••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ¡ | x | •[§]••• ••••••

        Comment

        • ZOOTECH
          Senior member of CRS

          Site Contributor
          2,500+ Posts
          • Jul 2007
          • 3375

          #304
          Re: Joke of the Day

          URGENT!!!

          The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).
          If you get WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!!
          This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

          Then, take two good friends to the nearest liquor
          store and purchase one or all of these three antidotes - Really Urgent Medicine (RUM), Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE)
          or Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

          You should immediately forward this medical alert to at least five of your friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
          "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

          Comment

          • Tricky
            Field Supervisor

            Site Contributor
            2,500+ Posts
            • Apr 2009
            • 2620

            #305
            Re: Joke of the Day

            Found this beauty in a Kyocera document processor service manual, unfortunately I don't think its a joke,
            Attached Files

            Comment

            • Shadow
              PHD in Sh!t Disturbing

              250+ Posts
              • Sep 2011
              • 455

              #306
              Re: Joke of the Day

              image001.jpg

              just a little looking around first would solve this issue!!!!!
              $hit Happens - Deal with it and move on.....................................sigpic....................................Lock & Load

              Comment

              • Akitu
                Legendary Frost Spec Tech

                Site Contributor
                2,500+ Posts
                • Oct 2010
                • 2595

                #307
                Re: Joke of the Day

                Originally posted by Shadow
                [ATTACH=CONFIG]17023[/ATTACH]

                just a little looking around first would solve this issue!!!!!
                This looks shopped, I can tell from the pixels.
                Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

                Comment

                • ni311
                  Senior Tech

                  Site Contributor
                  500+ Posts
                  • May 2008
                  • 658

                  #308
                  Re: Joke of the Day

                  The End of the World | Flash Videos
                  Konica Minolta Error Codes - Explanations and Solutions

                  Comment

                  • NeoMatrix
                    Senior Tech.

                    2,500+ Posts
                    • Nov 2010
                    • 3513

                    #309
                    Re: Joke of the Day

                    Originally posted by Akitu
                    This looks shopped, I can tell from the pixels.
                    Her hiking buddy(cameraman) decided to help her out with her constipation problem.

                    The bloke behind the camera knew the lion was there, an how much bowel motion she would have once she found out.
                    It's amazing how fast you can run with you pants down around your knees. Hundred metre hurdles in 16 sec's is no problem.
                    Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
                    •••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ¡ | x | •[§]••• ••••••

                    Comment

                    • NeoMatrix
                      Senior Tech.

                      2,500+ Posts
                      • Nov 2010
                      • 3513

                      #310
                      Re: Joke of the Day

                      Originally posted by skynet
                      Found this beauty in a Kyocera document processor service manual, unfortunately I don't think its a joke,
                      You refering to X' changes state from pic to pic ?
                      Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
                      •••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ¡ | x | •[§]••• ••••••

                      Comment

                      • Kidaver
                        Ghoulscout

                        500+ Posts
                        • Apr 2011
                        • 912

                        #311
                        Re: Joke of the Day

                        Originally posted by ni311
                        I've always loved this flash vid...it's a classic....WTF mate!
                        "In a cruel and evil world, being cynical can allow you to get some entertainment out of it."

                        Comment

                        • ZOOTECH
                          Senior member of CRS

                          Site Contributor
                          2,500+ Posts
                          • Jul 2007
                          • 3375

                          #312
                          Re: Joke of the Day

                          THE SHREDDER

                          A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45 pm when he found the CEO standing in
                          front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

                          "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my
                          secretary is not here. Can you make this work?"

                          "Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned on the shredder, inserted the
                          paper, and pressed the start button.

                          "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine,
                          "I just need one copy."

                          Lesson: Never, never, ever assume that your boss knows what he's doing.
                          "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

                          Comment

                          • ZOOTECH
                            Senior member of CRS

                            Site Contributor
                            2,500+ Posts
                            • Jul 2007
                            • 3375

                            #313
                            Re: Joke of the Day

                            I was in a bar Saturday night having a few drinks....

                            I noticed two fat women sitting by the bar.

                            They both had strong accents so i asked

                            "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

                            one of them screamed "it's Wales you friggin idiot".

                            I immediately apologized and said "sorry are you two

                            whales from Ireland?

                            That's all i remember.....
                            "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

                            Comment

                            • NeoMatrix
                              Senior Tech.

                              2,500+ Posts
                              • Nov 2010
                              • 3513

                              #314
                              Re: Joke of the Day

                              :: Bar Tales ::

                              I happen to be talking to my older sister in a night club bar room a loooong time ago.
                              Some drunk yobbo (redneck) in front of all his mate, leans over to her said "Hey darling, can you come over here and sit on my face."
                              My quick witted sibbling turns to him in front of all his mates says "why is your nose bigger than your dick!" .
                              I fell over in fits of laughter and the drunk yobbo couldn't find a small enough ant hole to crawl into to hide.

                              True story...
                              Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
                              •••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ¡ | x | •[§]••• ••••••

                              Comment

                              • ZOOTECH
                                Senior member of CRS

                                Site Contributor
                                2,500+ Posts
                                • Jul 2007
                                • 3375

                                #315
                                Re: Joke of the Day

                                A man escapes from prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.


                                He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

                                While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict kisses her neck, then goes into the bathroom.

                                While he's in there, the husband whispers to his wife; 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.
                                I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain.

                                Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both! Be strong honey, I love you.

                                "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

                                Comment

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