Joke of the Day

[sdrawkcab]

Re: Joke of the Day

MURDER IN TESCO

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husb

[Lagonda]

Re: Joke of the Day

MURDER IN TESCO

Yes, we definitely need a "groan" button next to the "like" button.

[emujo]

Re: Joke of the Day

In honor of "Cinco de Mayo"....


What do you call 2 Mexicans playing basketball?

"Juan" on "Juan"


BTW happy belated Star Wars Day

[Shadow1]

Re: Joke of the Day

Yes, we definitely need a "groan" button next to the "like" button.

Agreed... that one was so corny you could shuck it.

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

I don't how many of you shop at Wal-mart, but this may be useful to know.
I am posting this to warn you of something that happened to me, as I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me and it could happen to you. Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping bags in the trunk. They both start wiping your windows with a rag and Windex, with their ample breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Wal-mart. You agree and they get in the back seat.
On the way, they strip naked and start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one cleverly steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday and most probably tonight.
Just thought you should know.

[Coptech]

Re: Joke of the Day

Since the Cinco de Mayo theme was brought up, How about the Mexican fireman that named his twin sons Jose and Hose B?

[DWise]

Re: Joke of the Day

how-do-mexicans-cut-their-pizza.jpg

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

How does a Mexican know when he's hungry .....?




His @sshole stops burning......

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

Yes, we definitely need a "groan" button next to the "like" button.

Might as well throw in a "Repeat post" button while we're there..........

[Iowatech]

Re: Joke of the Day

I don't like paying someone else to let me do manual labor...

[Brian8506]

Re: Joke of the Day

A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic
little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married
couple and for being loving to each other for
all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world
with my darling husband.'
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two
tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her
hands.
The husband thought for a moment:
'Well, this is all very romantic, but an
opportunity like this will never come again. I'm
sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30
years younger than me.' The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed,
but a wish is a wish. ! So the fairy waved her magic wand and
poof!...
The husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful bastards should
remember fairies are female.....

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in and eat dinner with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon back up." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Nonsense, come on!" the farmer insisted. "Well, okay," the boy finally agreed, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is your Pa?"
"Under the wagon."

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

"By the way, where is your Pa?"
"Under the wagon."

Expected.

[Iowatech]

Re: Joke of the Day

I have good news.
Basic Instructions - Basic Instructions - How to Assume a Positive Point of*View

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

"By the way,where is your Pa?"
"Under the wagon."

Expected.

On the wagon, off the wagon, under the wagon. It's an obvious wreckless driver case of D.U.I. from all the corn whiskey.