Joke of the Day

[jonhiker]

Re: Joke of the Day

A worker calls in sick. " I have a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, I won't be in to work".

The boss says, " You know something, I really need you to work today. When I feel like you do, I usually ask my wife for sex.That makes everything better and I go to work. you should try that.

2 hours later the worker calls his boss: " I did what you said and I feel better, I'll be in soon. By the way, you have a nice house."

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

https://www.facebook.com/MrTechnicalDifficult/videos/1400467866667246/

[Roverius]

Re: Joke of the Day

A man goes to the hospital to visit his friend who had a accident with his car.
When he entered the room, he saw his friend lie in bed with his head full of bruises and all the colors of the rainbow.
- wow, man, you really look terrible like this. And you're car, whats whit the car, i asked
- My car has nothing, not even a scratch, he said
- That's weird, and who was the other guy involved in the accident?
- Well, he is here in the bed just next to me.

I went to visit the other guy and looked at him.
he had the same bruises and scratches and also all the colors of the rainbow.
- wow man, you also look terrible.
- and, your car? whats with yours?
- nothing wrong with my car, he said, not even a scratch.

After a few words to the guy, i went back to my friend.
-Tell me, you both have a head like a ruin and both your cars have nothing, not even a scratch, how can this be possible?
- well, he said, i will explain it:
-on a night i drove home and there was a really thick fog.
So, i opened my window and took my head out of the window to have a better look on the road.
I didn't know that the driver, who came from the oposite direction, had the same idea.....

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

A group of men, all about 40 agree to meet for dinner...
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitresses there were pretty.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch.Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was good and the wine selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch.Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could dine in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.
Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had an elevator.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[nmfaxman]

Re: Joke of the Day

I was underway in the Pacific once when I witnessed one of my shipmates, up late, frantically attempting to smoke a cigarette. A burly Chief walks on-deck, roving as part of his duties - he didn't smoke himself. One of the sailors asked the Chief if he had a Cigarette Lighter. "Sure," the Chief said, "Can I get a cigarette?" Surprised, one of the junior sailors offered one to him. The Chief snatched it from his hand, and tossed it to the breeze - the stogie trailing with the wind into the ocean below. "What was that all about, Chief?" the younger sailor replied. "I made the whole ship a cigarette lighter," he said, turning around and leaving.

[blsquires]

Re: Joke of the Day

young girl was on the escalator and she was wearing a very short skirt .she looked round and saw a man trying to look up her skirt .what are you looking at she said.
he thought quickly and said i am looking at the moon.
she said well you should have looked at it last night , there was a man in it

[fixthecopier]

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Jack says to his friend Mike, "I'm sleeping with the ministers wife. Can you keep him busy for an hour after the service?
Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees. After the service, Mike asks the minister all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses, "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, and he asked me to keep you occupied."
The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a fatherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says, "You should hurry home now. My wife died a year ago."

[Dark Helmet]

Re: Joke of the Day

As i slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, i could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.
I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me.
I thought to myself, "I really need a new fucking boat".

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

Final Tribute - Piper


Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country.



As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.


I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.


I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.


The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.


And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.


As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."


Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing.



When you have stopped laughing be sure to forward this on to others who would enjoy a good story.

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day