Re: Joke of the Day
no matter how hard you try, absolutely no one can top this...
[ATTACH=CONFIG]18567[/ATTACH]
the original sin
[ATTACH=CONFIG]18567[/ATTACH]
-
$hit Happens - Deal with it and move on.....................................sigpic....................................Lock & Load -
A joke you can use on your Co-workers.
Your Service manager and 2 techs decide to go on a long trip.
Along the way they become tired and find a hotel to stay at.
Though the hotel was at capacity and only had one room left with one bed left.
They figure, it should be fine to stay in the one bed over night so the service manager sleeps in the middle of the two techs.
The next morning everything seemed to have gone well, as they were fully rested.
As they drove off to their destination they began to converse about the dreams they had, had that night.
Both techs were saying they dreamed of having the best sex of their lives!
Bummed, The service manager said he only dreamed about going skiing.
Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
Comforting the Grammar Police
q: What do you say when you're comforting the Grammar Police?
a. There, Their, They'reComment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
Middle aged lady walks into the doctors office and says "Doc, you've got to help me, every time I go to the bathroom, quarters come out!". The doc gives her a couple of asprin and says "come back and see me it 2 weeks"
2 weeks later, she's back.."Doc, the problems getting worse, now, every time I go to the bathroom, 1/2 dollars are coming out, what is going on with me?". Doc says "go home, take these asprin and come back in 2 weeks"
2 weeks later, she back. "Doc this is freaking me out..now when I go to the bathroom silver dollars are coming out..what in the hell is wrong with me?" Doc says, relax, you're just going through your change" EmujoIf you don't see your question answered in the forum, please don't think it's OK to PM me for a personal reply...I do not give out firmware and/or manuals.Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me ... it was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test...we couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to our family!!!"
And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car...Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
It's so cold outside, I just saw a Democrat with his hands in his own pockets...Do for one what you wished you could do for everyone. - Andy StanleyComment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
Paddy in the Pharmacy
One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy shop, reaches into his pocket takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist. "Could you taste this for me, please?"
The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.
"Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy.
"No, not at all," says the chemist.
"Oh that's a relief." says Paddy,"The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."
Joke of the Day | Paddy in the PharmacyComment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
Differences Between Man and Women in a Shower
How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts,etc. Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,wide loofah and pumicestone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.
Have a great day! And, "woo woo"!!!Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
-
' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
Mascan42
'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'
Ibid
I'm just an ex-tech lurking around and spreading disinformation!Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
If you have a manly physique, suddenly I feel highly self-conscious. As a fellow man, what do you enjoy more? Blowing the snot into your hands or the sounds of the aforementioned fart echoing around the shower?
Personally, I don't think there's a better sound than a wet fart echoing through a shower.Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
Comment