Joke of the Day

[mrwho]

Re: Joke of the Day

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth.



A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.



"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask: "Are my testicles black?"



Embarrassed, the young nurse replies: "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet."



He struggles again to ask: "Nurse, are my testicles black?"



Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says: "There is nothing wrong with them!"



Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies: "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?"

[nmfaxman]

Re: Joke of the Day

A chicken and an egg lie together in bed.
The chicken smokes a cigarette and smiles with satisfaction.
The egg frowns and mutters, "Well, I guess we answered that question!"

[mjarbar]

Re: Joke of the Day

WARNING SIGNS:

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

<SNIP>

Have you met my call controller, she seems to use this all the time when I talk to her...!

and my 600th post

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

Sorry guys, it's been stupidly busy now that PASTech has left me alone here. Training a new guy and he's doing fantastic so far. I'll post jokes as soon as I'm not rubber-banding 400 kms in each direction on a semi-daily basis.

[mrwho]

Re: Joke of the Day

Sorry guys, it's been stupidly busy now that PASTech has left me alone here. Training a new guy and he's doing fantastic so far. I'll post jokes as soon as I'm not rubber-banding 400 kms in each direction on a semi-daily basis.

So, no new-tech related jokes?

[mjarbar]

Re: Joke of the Day

A supermarket burger walks into a bar and says " A pint please"
The barman says "I can't hear you, what was that?"
The burger says "sorry, I'm a little bit horse today..."

Everyones moaning about tesco burgers, they should try the value meatballs there're the dogs bollox !!

I went on an awful date yesterday. The conversation was forced, we had nothing in common, and I definitely didn't find her attractive in the slightest.
Thank god my wedding anniversary meal is only once a year...

[Tricky]

Re: Joke of the Day

Everyones moaning about tesco burgers, they should try the value meatballs there're the dogs bollox !!

My friend ate a burger from Tesco's and had to be rushed to hospital, his condition is described as stable.



Well personally I can't wait to try the new Tesco quarter pandas.

Went to Tesco's cafe for my lunch yesterday. The waitress said 'Would you like anything on your burger?' I said 'A fiver each way.'

[blsquires]

Re: Joke of the Day

the lone ranger stops at the pub but it was really hot out side so he said to tonto can you keep running around my horse with a fan to keep him cool .
ok said tonto and the loan ranger went into the bar .hed had a couple of drinks and the bloke next to him said did you know you have left your injun running

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

So, no new-tech related jokes?

Precisely; and now a joke.

A young woman married and had 9 children. Her husband died and she soon married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died, but she remarried and this time had 4 children. Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord above, thanking him for this loving woman who fulfilled his commandments to "Go forth and multiply." In his final eulogy, he noted, "Thank you, Lord, that they are finally together."
Leaning over to his neighbor, one mourner asked: "Do you think he means her first, her second or her third husband?"
The other mourner replied, "I think he means her legs.

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

HUSBAND DOWN - AISLE 5

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles farther on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket..
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."

That's him on Aisle 5 - he never knew what hit him.

[mrwho]

Re: Joke of the Day

Not sure if a repeat, but anyway:

'As a pre-med student at Washington University in St. Louis, I had to take a difficult class in physics.

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.

A student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"

"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.


A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.


"It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school," replied the professor."'

[mrwho]

Re: Joke of the Day

And another:

Two rednecks walk down a dirt path. One man has a big sack over his shoulder. The other man asks what's in the sack.

The first man says, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight."

The other man asks how many chickens are in the sack.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the first redneck, "If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack, I'll give them both to you."

[mjarbar]

Re: Joke of the Day

A woman is preparing a french dinner for her parents and sends her husband out to buy some fresh snails from the local continental market.

The husband buys the snails then pops into the pub for a quick drink.

He has a few rounds, so many in fact, that by the time he leaves it's nine in the evening.

Realising he's extremely late, he runs home, opens the gate, pours the snails over the path, then rings the bell.

His furious wife opens the door. "Where the hell have you been?" she yells at him.

The husband looks behind, waves back to the snails and says:
"Come on lads, we're nearly there."

[kyrenecopy]

Re: Joke of the Day

And another:

Two rednecks walk down a dirt path. One man has a big sack over his shoulder. The other man asks what's in the sack.

The first man says, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight."

The other man asks how many chickens are in the sack.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the first redneck, "If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack, I'll give them both to you."

And the other redneck said "Three"

[mrwho]

Re: Joke of the Day

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory will be off limits to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"

One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"