Re: Joke of the Day
-
-
Re: Joke of the Day
Comment
-
-
Re: Joke of the Day
Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws? It was given two consecutive sentences.The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
Guy walks into a Brothel, manager says 'Welcome back sir". Guy says thanks, but I am short of cash today, what do you have for $1.00. Manager says "sir you're one of our best customers, I'm sure we can find something for you". He walks him up to the top floor and at the end of the hallway, opens a door and says "here you go". Guy looks into the room and sees a chicken. He looks at the manger and gives him a questioning look, but thinks "what the heck, it's a very nice looking chicken. So he goes into the room and *ucks the *hit out of the chicken. Next day the same guy walks into the Brothel and again the manager welcomes him. The guys says today I only have $.50, what can you do for me? The manager says "sir, you are still one of our best customers, and, we do have standards, but I'll see what I can do". A few minuets later, he says "come with me sir, we have the perfect arrangement for you". The manger walks again walks him up to the top floor across from his previous room and says "here you go". The guy opens the door and inside is a large sitting room with a 2 way mirror on the wall and a few guys watching 2 beautiful women going at each other. He says " great, I'll take it" he has a seat on the bench and enjoys the show. After some time, he turns to one of the other guys watching and says "this is a pretty damn good time for 50 cents". The other guys says "if you think this is nice, you should have been here yesterday, we got to watch some guy *ucking a chicken"..EmujoIf you don't see your question answered in the forum, please don't think it's OK to PM me for a personal reply...I do not give out firmware and/or manuals.Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
A kid is spying on his mom cheating on her husband with another guy and hiding in the closet. The wife hears her husband's car pull up unexpectedly so in a panic she tells him to hide in the same closet. After a few seconds the kid says "SURE IS DARK IN HERE!!. The man say shh be quiet. Another minuet goes by and the kid the same thing a little louder this time SURE IS DARK IN HERE!!!!. The guy says "what's it gonna take to shut you up kid"? The kid says, "give me all your money" so the guy opens his wallet and hands him his cash. Another minuet goes buy and the kid repeats himself even louder SURE IS DARK IN HERE!!!!!!!. The guys says geez kid, what's it gonna take to shut you up". The kid says "I really like your watch", so the guy takes off his watch and gives it to him. The mom finally gets rid of the husband and lets the guy out of the closet..Nice kid you've got there, he took me for everything I had. The Mon goes off the deep and and starts yelling at him for doing a very bad thing by taking advantage of the poor guy in a bad situation. She decides to take him down to the catholic church to confess his sins. He enters the confessional and closes the door and says.."Sure is dark in here...The priest says "DONT START THAT SHIT AGAIN!!!! EmujoIf you don't see your question answered in the forum, please don't think it's OK to PM me for a personal reply...I do not give out firmware and/or manuals.Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
What is the difference between the USA and a usb? One accesses all of your devices and data and the other is a hardware standard.The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.
"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Phil."
The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
My job is so fucking unbelievable.
I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.
The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.
Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
Skeleton walks into a bar and says "Bartender, give me a pitcher, and a mop".If you don't see your question answered in the forum, please don't think it's OK to PM me for a personal reply...I do not give out firmware and/or manuals.Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
Did you hear about the man who came home and found that all of his lamps had been swiped. He was delighted.The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
-
-
Live for yourself and you will live in vain. Live for others, and you will live againComment
Comment